Day: September 10, 2019

Montumazin 29, Year 887 (New Imperial Calendar)

The Captain and I stayed up late into the night going over our “case” against Królewna & Bonifacja.  I scarcely felt like I had lain my head down to sleep before I was being roused to head out.  It was all I could do to drag one foot in front of the other, but Captain Charum looked fresh as a daisy as she helped her men pack up the camp in a matter of minutes.  She doesn’t look like much but clearly this is a woman made of iron.  Or steel.  Or whichever one is stronger. 

I’ve heard tales that the horsemen of the far south can literally sleep in the saddle – which in addition to being a bad idea I assumed was impossible.  But I tell you, there were times riding today where suddenly an hour had passed without me being aware.  I wouldn’t quite call it sleep, but it was a close relative.  Although I wouldn’t call it restful by any stretch.  Because of this semi-conscious state I didn’t realize for several minutes that we had stopped.  Captain Charum was making concerned faces while talking to one of her outriders.  I perked up a bit and trotted up to join them, the scout stopped talking once I was in earshot but the captain didn’t seem concerned by my presence.  What she was concerned about was a party of men under arms bearing no flag nor insignia in the vicinity.  She was worried that they could be after our prisoners – either under the auspice of Królewna & Bonifacja, Vieland, or both.

“If you’re worried about it, I’ll ride over and see what they’re about.”

They both seemed surprised “You will?”

“Sure.  I’ve got a bit of the gift of gab, I can usually suss these kind of things out in short order.”

“It’s awfully risky.”

“I’m not too worried about it.”  I turned to the scout “How many men are we talking about?”

“More than a dozen, but no more than twenty.”

“Eh, no problem.  You want me to check it out I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”

The Captain seemed stunned “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not, I’m offering.”

Eila and Prudence were dead-set on accompanying me, which is touching since that’s their job, but since I’m the one paying the bills they didn’t push it too hard. The outrider led me maybe a mile away and pointed me in the right direction.  I used my Cap to take on the appearance of a scruffy old vagabond and started singing loudly and enthusiastically off-key as I rode.  In short order I was confronted by two young men in greenish-lacquered armor with close shorn hair. 

“What are you about old timer?”

I squinted at them comically “Well now, that’s the grand question of life isn’t it young fella?  What are any of us about?  I’ve traveled this land for moren sixty years now and I’ll be damned if I know.  Most of that was on a mule rather than a horse though, I tell you boys there’s nothing like a trusty mule.  I had this mule once, of probably goin’ on thirty years back now, I called him by the name of Prickly Pete.  Now old Prickly Pete could an ornery cuss but he saved my bacon one time.  Youseesir a goblin was sneakin up on me after I had a little bit of the moonshine and old Pete he kicked that sunagun right in the head, cracked his coconut like a tapman opening up a barrel of the good stuff.  I tell you Prickly Pete he didn’t like no goblins, he’s as soon as kick one of ‘em as send em up a flume.  Poor old Pete.  Rest in peace buddy.  You think mules go to some kind of afterlife?  What would that even be like?”

They let me ramble on a while, clearly amused by the tales of an old man, but eventually they broke in.

“That’s quite a fine steed you’ve got there old timer.  Where did you get her?”

“Oh, one place or another, I can’t rightly recall.”

“Looks like a military horse to me.”

“Oh well, could be, there’s a war on you know – lot of loose horses runnin about if you take the time to chase ‘em down.”

“Some call that theft old timer.”

I winked outrageously “Well I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“You must know this area pretty well, you mind talking to our commander for a minute?”

“Suren I would not” I smacked my lips “You boys got anything to drink up there?  Immabit parched you see.”

Their leader was a fellow called Critchlowe and they were mercenaries.  They had been hired on to watch over a textile merchant’s delivery to some town or another but they broke the contract due to a disagreement of some kind.  They claimed to be looking for another assignment but it was clear to me that they were considering that all mercenaries do when down on their luck – resorting to banditry.  When you’ve got weapons and no money what else are you going to do? It’s a risky move, besides the threat of being hung you stand to lose your charter to do that kind of work – the crown tends to frown on large groups of armed men roaming about unsupervised.

He asked me to tell him about the land around here but I dropped the garrulous old man act – although not the appearance.

“You’re at a crossroads here huh?  You better be sure because once you start down that dark path it’s pretty difficult to come back.”

“What do you know about it old man?”

“A thing or two.  Plus I’m not actually an old man, I’m a beautiful young maiden.  Or maid, I forget which.  ”

That elicited a weird burst of laughter “I’m willing to listen to the wisdom of a wise old man who’s really a gorgeous woman.”

“You want to know about the area?  There’s a war on right?  Seems like you should have no trouble finding work.”

“You’d think so, but the army doesn’t like hiring mercs – they don’t trust us for some strange reason.”

“The nerve.  I tell you this though, you go a mile in that direction and you’ll find a very reasonable Captain who’ll listen to your offer.  I’ll make the introductions and everything.”

“Is that so?  What if instead I captured this Captain and sold him to Vieland for a hefty sack of gold.”

“Why then you’d be a traitor and an outlaw, living life on the run.  But you wouldn’t do that of course, because you’re a patriot, just like me.”

“Gods save the King and all that.”

“And all that.”

I’m not sure who was more dismayed, Captain Charum when she saw me riding up in the company of armed men or Critchlowe when I dropped my illusion and he saw that I really was a stunningly attractive woman rather than a piney old wanderer.  The Captain was not pleased at first but soon saw the wisdom of this course of action – after all between her men here and those escorting the civilians to Ridy Run she was down half her original force at the worksite.  The two of them hammered out a deal and soon afterwards Critchlowe and his men were heading east while we continued to the west.  

That night I was sitting against a tree massaging my aching thighs and drinking blueberry wine that I had gotten from one of Critchlowe’s men.  I was supervising Prudence and Eila setting up my shelter when Captain Charum sought me out.

“You’re full of surprises aren’t you?”

“Oh not really, I just get lucky every now and then.”

“I don’t believe in luck.”

I winked and took a swig of my wineskin “But I do, and that’s why I’m so lucky.”

____________________________________________________________

Funds: 41,258 gold

XP: 83,628

Inventory: Ring of Many Garments, Bag of Tricks (tan), Cap of Disguise, Secure Pocket, Resplendent Diplomat’s Palette, Secure Paypack, Skeleton Key, Brooch of Shielding, Pouch of Magic Stones, Masterful Grey Gloves, Black Marketers’ Bag, Biting Bracelet (Endless Ammunition), Boots of Escape, Bracers of the Glib Entertainer, Ring of Animal Friendship, +2 Commanding Light Crossbow, Headband of Alluring Charisma +2, Handy Haversack, Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion)

Signet ring, noble’s outfit, candlerod (9), masterwork dagger, succubi carving, Domiel family ring, walking stick, masterwork playing cards, spinel and peridot holy symbol of Kralten, antitoxin (9),  smelling salts (3), sunrods (3), thieves’ tools, tindertwigs (6), various and sundry inebriants and intoxicants

Silver ring, gold bracelet, gold and pearl pendant, gold ring, platinum necklace (2), mithril hair clasps (3)

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler , Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin

Montumazin 28, Year 887 (New Imperial Calendar)

I used to go riding almost every day back at court.  I wouldn’t say I was ‘born to the saddle’ but I’m an accomplished rider, if a bit rusty.  That said, the pace being set by Captain Charum was blistering.  Literally.  We set out early and I was already feeling it when the sun was barely over the horizon.  It’s been many years since I’ve developed riding bruises but I have a suspicion it’s about to come back in style. When you’re not used to hard riding you slip into a kind of trance where you’re not really paying attention to where you’re going – which is dangerous because riding horses are expecting you to be paying attention and guiding them.  It’s odd, you’d think an animal would watch out for itself, but that’s what domestication does.  It’s kind of the whole point.

I’ll blame this phenomenon for not noticing at first that the river was full of boats. Stretching for miles was a bewildering collection composed of everything from the small sailing boats, canoes, squat houseboats, rowboats, punts, as well as great barge.  When I asked one of the soldiers what I was seeing he said that it was one of the river-cities of Sanpaw.  I had always thought that the Sanpaw cities were riverside communities, not literally ON the river.  It was quite a sight to behold. 

One of the soldiers, a self-professed “river rat” in his youth, said that the Sanpaw people originated in an area of heavy rains, where a flash flood would destroy whole communities without warning. After generations of communities being all but wiped out, they began taking to the water in boats during the rainy season. Over time, this seasonal migration transitioned into a fully nomadic lifestyle, as they abandoned their homes for the freedom of the river.  At night at a signal from the rivermaster the larger boats anchor themselves against the riverbank where the current is calmest, and one by one each boat is fixed to the others by means of a complicated tangle of ropes. Wooden walkways are pushed between the boats to form a network of bridges. With its lamps lit, the convoy resembles a village swaying in the current, a fleeting sight that will be gone by morning.

I had only a few minutes to observe the Sanpaw before we were riding past the front of the river convoy.  They looked to be a small people – probably for the best when your home is a canvas-covered flatboat – with sunbaked skin, corded with lean muscle.  “Jewelry” made of fish-teeth seemed to be common, as did wicked looking scars across the shoulders and face – clearly life on the waters was a hard one.  At first I thought I saw no women at all, but then I realized that they were there – just as bare chested as the men and with hardly any curves to speak of – almost indistinguishable aside from large studs through the ears.

I’ve seen many things I never knew existed in the last few months, most of them horrible – this was something I was glad to see.  Something unique and wonderful in its own way.   Obviously I myself would sooner die than live in a riverboat like some kind of damp hobo, but it was a small wonder to witness.

When we finally stopped for the day, well past sundown, I wanted nothing more than to slide off my mount and directly to sleep.  But a very humorless lieutenant insisted that I take care of the horses I had ridden before turning in myself.  This was unexpected and unwelcome.  I’ve always had grooms and stablehands for this sort of thing.  I had no idea what to do which meant the whole process took four times as long as it needed to.  I was too tired to even try and weasel my way out of it – which I think is the army way.  In training don’t they run you to exhaustion so they can brainwash you properly?

I was scared I was going to have to set up my own bivouac as well but there was one waiting for me thanks to Eila and Prudence, I resolved to give them a raise right on the spot.  Captain Charum was there waiting as well, looking as composed and kempt as she did before taking a fifty mile ride. 

“I’m impressed, I had you pegged as a bellyacher.”

“Oh, you won’t hear a peep out of me Captain – taking a pounding in the crotch is what I’ve been training for all these years.”

“Umm, yes, quite.  I wanted to go over your story again, cross reference with some of the affidavits, establish a timeline, that sort of thing.  We don’t want any mix ups when we get to Malgareth.”

I stifled a yawn/groan “No we don’t Captain, no we don’t.”

Funds: 41,258 gold

XP: 83,628

Inventory: Ring of Many Garments, Bag of Tricks (tan), Cap of Disguise, Secure Pocket, Resplendent Diplomat’s Palette, Secure Paypack, Skeleton Key, Brooch of Shielding, Pouch of Magic Stones, Masterful Grey Gloves, Black Marketers’ Bag, Biting Bracelet (Endless Ammunition), Boots of Escape, Bracers of the Glib Entertainer, Ring of Animal Friendship, +2 Commanding Light Crossbow, Headband of Alluring Charisma +2, Handy Haversack, Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion)

Signet ring, noble’s outfit, candlerod (9), masterwork dagger, succubi carving, Domiel family ring, walking stick, masterwork playing cards, spinel and peridot holy symbol of Kralten, antitoxin (9),  smelling salts (3), sunrods (3), thieves’ tools, tindertwigs (6), various and sundry inebriants and intoxicants

Silver ring, gold bracelet, gold and pearl pendant, gold ring, platinum necklace (2), mithril hair clasps (3)

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler , Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin

Montumazin 28, Year 887 (New Imperial Calendar)

I used to go riding almost every day back at court.  I wouldn’t say I was ‘born to the saddle’ but I’m an accomplished rider, if a bit rusty.  That said, the pace being set by Captain Charum was blistering.  Literally.  We set out early and I was already feeling it when the sun was barely over the horizon.  It’s been many years since I’ve developed riding bruises but I have a suspicion it’s about to come back in style. When you’re not used to hard riding you slip into a kind of trance where you’re not really paying attention to where you’re going – which is dangerous because riding horses are expecting you to be paying attention and guiding them.  It’s odd, you’d think an animal would watch out for itself, but that’s what domestication does.  It’s kind of the whole point.

I’ll blame this phenomenon for not noticing at first that the river was full of boats. Stretching for miles was a bewildering collection composed of everything from the small sailing boats, canoes, squat houseboats, rowboats, punts, as well as great barge.  When I asked one of the soldiers what I was seeing he said that it was one of the river-cities of Sanpaw.  I had always thought that the Sanpaw cities were riverside communities, not literally ON the river.  It was quite a sight to behold. 

One of the soldiers, a self-professed “river rat” in his youth, said that the Sanpaw people originated in an area of heavy rains, where a flash flood would destroy whole communities without warning. After generations of communities being all but wiped out, they began taking to the water in boats during the rainy season. Over time, this seasonal migration transitioned into a fully nomadic lifestyle, as they abandoned their homes for the freedom of the river.  At night at a signal from the rivermaster the larger boats anchor themselves against the riverbank where the current is calmest, and one by one each boat is fixed to the others by means of a complicated tangle of ropes. Wooden walkways are pushed between the boats to form a network of bridges. With its lamps lit, the convoy resembles a village swaying in the current, a fleeting sight that will be gone by morning.

I had only a few minutes to observe the Sanpaw before we were riding past the front of the river convoy.  They looked to be a small people – probably for the best when your home is a canvas-covered flatboat – with sunbaked skin, corded with lean muscle.  “Jewelry” made of fish-teeth seemed to be common, as did wicked looking scars across the shoulders and face – clearly life on the waters was a hard one.  At first I thought I saw no women at all, but then I realized that they were there – just as bare chested as the men and with hardly any curves to speak of – almost indistinguishable aside from large studs through the ears.

I’ve seen many things I never knew existed in the last few months, most of them horrible – this was something I was glad to see.  Something unique and wonderful in its own way.   Obviously I myself would sooner die than live in a riverboat like some kind of damp hobo, but it was a small wonder to witness.

When we finally stopped for the day, well past sundown, I wanted nothing more than to slide off my mount and directly to sleep.  But a very humorless lieutenant insisted that I take care of the horses I had ridden before turning in myself.  This was unexpected and unwelcome.  I’ve always had grooms and stablehands for this sort of thing.  I had no idea what to do which meant the whole process took four times as long as it needed to.  I was too tired to even try and weasel my way out of it – which I think is the army way.  In training don’t they run you to exhaustion so they can brainwash you properly?

I was scared I was going to have to set up my own bivouac as well but there was one waiting for me thanks to Eila and Prudence, I resolved to give them a raise right on the spot.  Captain Charum was there waiting as well, looking as composed and kempt as she did before taking a fifty mile ride. 

“I’m impressed, I had you pegged as a bellyacher.”

“Oh, you won’t hear a peep out of me Captain – taking a pounding in the crotch is what I’ve been training for all these years.”

“Umm, yes, quite.  I wanted to go over your story again, cross reference with some of the affidavits, establish a timeline, that sort of thing.  We don’t want any mix ups when we get to Malgareth.”

I stifled a yawn/groan “No we don’t Captain, no we don’t.”

____________________________________________________________

Funds: 41,258 gold

XP: 83,628

Inventory: Ring of Many Garments, Bag of Tricks (tan), Cap of Disguise, Secure Pocket, Resplendent Diplomat’s Palette, Secure Paypack, Skeleton Key, Brooch of Shielding, Pouch of Magic Stones, Masterful Grey Gloves, Black Marketers’ Bag, Biting Bracelet (Endless Ammunition), Boots of Escape, Bracers of the Glib Entertainer, Ring of Animal Friendship, +2 Commanding Light Crossbow, Headband of Alluring Charisma +2, Handy Haversack, Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion)

Signet ring, noble’s outfit, candlerod (9), masterwork dagger, succubi carving, Domiel family ring, walking stick, masterwork playing cards, spinel and peridot holy symbol of Kralten, antitoxin (9),  smelling salts (3), sunrods (3), thieves’ tools, tindertwigs (6), various and sundry inebriants and intoxicants

Silver ring, gold bracelet, gold and pearl pendant, gold ring, platinum necklace (2), mithril hair clasps (3)

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler , Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin