There are several kinds of drunks in the world. There’s the drowning your sorrow drunk, there’s the feckless loafer drunk, there’s the sad clown drunk, and so on and so forth. One thing they all have in common is the experience of waking up somewhere and not knowing where they are or what they’ve done. I’ve done my fair share of imbibing from time to time but I have never woken up and not known where I was or what had happened. Until today.
I felt like I woke up in parts – a tenth at a time, with each tenth taking about a minute. It was a very odd and not pleasant at all sensation. The first thing I was able to notice was that I was laying on something hard and cold – the ground it turned out. There was very little light because as it turns out I was laying on the ground in an alley. A filthy alley if you must know. That may seem like a redundancy but I assure you around the palace there’s plenty of alleys that are clean as a whistle. Are whistles even clean though? Seems like they’d have a lot of spit in them.
At first I was angry because my dress was ruined but that anger was quickly eclipsed by the anger that I had been left here by the Duke and his cronies. This was nothing compared to the white hot spike of anger that would run through me once I realized what was going on.
My head felt foggy, but not drink-foggy, I’ve never been much of one for the pipeweed but it was more akin to that – but yet still different. Everything felt heavy. It was like the sky was pressing down on me and the ground was dragging at my arms and legs. I managed to hoist myself to my feet and immediately fall forward – I tried to catch myself but my arms wouldn’t listen so I toppled headfirst into a wall. I barely even felt it but I could see a little stream of blood running across my eye. The thudding sound it make was highly disturbing.
After a few more chances I was able to stand up straight for a minute and eventually the fog lifted – it was like taking off a blindfold. Up until this point I thought that I was in the Shambles but as I finally managed to look around I wasn’t so sure, nothing looked right. At this moment I realized that a dog was licking at my feet. I love dogs but this beast was the sorriest, mangiest cur you’d ever have the displeasure to meet. It’s fur was not only matted, but also somehow slimy. I tried to work up a kick to send it away but I was too dizzy to even make the attempt before it got bored and wandered off. Lucky for it.
Grasping at the wall of the alley like a mountaineer to a guide-wire I managed to make my way to the street and looked around. I can’t claim to be intimately familiar with every part of the city but nothing looked familiar at all. The people didn’t even look right. I can’t say how exactly but they were different.
I tried to dredge from my memory what had happened last night. The Duke and I had attended the opera? Or was that the night before? Last night did we attend a ball. I don’t remember any heavy drinking in the past few nights at least. Nothing was making any sense. I spied a lank-haired, dull-eyed, barefoot fellow carrying a dead pig under his arm walking past and I called out – my voice coming out as nothing but a croak at first.
“Where am I?”
For a moment he looked at the pig in astonishment as if it had been the one that spoke – I had to snap my fingers to get him to realize that I, and not a dead pig, was the one who had addressed him. His answer made no sense, streets and places that I never heard of.
“Am I still in capital?”
He seemed mightily confused “Cathars? No, my lady.”
Cathars? Isn’t that the capital of Cymrile County? Where the Hells am I?
“What city is this?”
I stood there for a long moment, long enough that pigman continued on his way. Graltontown? Why would I be in Graltontown? That’s hundreds of miles away! And no place anyone would ever want to visit on top of that. Then I remembered the rumors. That the Duke’s wife was growing jealous. I had dismissed them of course, the woman was a weak as a newborn foal, I never thought she’s have the audacity to do anything about it. But she must have had me drugged and dumped here. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Graltontown. Of course it would be Graltontown. Where two slack-jawed locals having a slobbering contest was considered height of elegant society. She couldn’t have done this alone – the Duke’s wife can’t put her smallclothes on without the help of six to ten maids – the Duke must have authorized it himself. They should have killed me if they wanted to get rid of me. Dumping me here and leaving me alive? What do they think I’m going to do? The Duke is going to pay. All that he has will be brought to ruin. I will rain destruction down up the Duke and his family until he’s on his hands and knees like a beast begging for mercy. No mercy will be forthcoming.
Walking out of the alley I found a public fountain, although it wouldn’t be good enough for a horse-trough back in the city. As I tried to clean myself up as best I could locals were staring agog at my finery like gasping decapitated fish heads. After cleaning from my dress as much alley-muck as I could, I took some time to walk around town and get the lay of the land. I found what passed for a fine lodging in a sty like Graltontown and used the bulk of my funds to get a room for the night, a passable meal – steamed octopus with roasted apples and a ravenberry tart – as well as a bottle of fine wine. A good use of my limited funds – having cheated death I need to replenish myself.
Before I turned in for the night I made a visit to a nearby temple where I swore before all the Gods that I would be avenged on Duke Eaglevane. An oath well sworn.
I fell into a deep drug-fueled sleep and dreamed of vengeance.
Funds: 1 Gold , 1 Silver
Inventory: Noble’s outfit (100 gold), Signet Ring , Stiletto
Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane
Behind the Scenes – My first post was easily the worst of the bunch. At that point it was more of a joke, not like the SUPER serious writing that I do now. Anyway, I wanted to update it so I did. To the one person that actually reads this daily I’m sorry that you’ll have to wait until tomorrow for Ela’s next exciting adventure. Two posts in a day would be just too much excitement for anyone to handle.