Is there anything better than sleeping late after a late night of drinking and gambling? Yes. But it’s still pretty good. The Quirivas aren’t he kind of nobles who wake their guests up before they get up on their own – which has greatly increased their esteem in my eyes. The caravan doesn’t leave until tomorrow so I have nothing on the agenda today. I slept until lunch and then joined the Lord and Lady for an enchanting meal and some idle conversation. Afterwards I had a nice long bath before heading across down to pick up my new wardrobe/bodyguard. It’s not a great looking Coat but its good enough – especially since I’m already wearing this hideous Belt. These folk that make magic gear should really learn how to make decent items before they get to learn about magicking them up.
Afterwards I was walking with Homar discussing our upcoming travels when a lean young man in a stylish purple doublet barged into me. Once I saw that he was going to walk on without saying a word I called out to him.
“Excuse me good sir, but I couldn’t help but notice that you jostled me just there.”
Turning back I saw that hee was a handsome fellow with a genteel air but his tousled hair and curt manner suggested he was anything but. “YOU ran into me you lumbering oaf. If you wish to apologize do so now.”
I was about to respond with a cutting remark when Homar grabbed my arm and tried to lead me away.
“Homar, don’t paw at me.” I bit back some true anger. “It’s rude.”
The young man sneered as only young men can “It’s you that should learn some manners cow.”
Homar reached out to grab my arm but then stopped himself, speaking in an urgent whisper “My lady please, let’s return to the inn!”
The young man smiled wickedly. “Yes, listen to your betters woman.”
Fuming, I allowed Homar to direct me away from the swaggering fool. Once we were a few yards away he explained that was Elkin Brevoy, the minor son of a minor noble but more importantly the dueling champion of an elderly Count. His gimmick is going traveling around and enjoying wine and women and song and such – as well as provoking people into fights and then killing them.
“Sounds like a real peach.”
“You don’t know the half of it. In Obsis he beat the mayor’s wife in the middle of town – truly and viciously – left her a bloody mess. She was on the ground and he was kicking her like a dog at one point. All because she rejected his advances. And then he made the mayor stand before everyone and apologize to him for his wife’s impudence.”
“Well, looks like I’ve found my project for the day. Tell me everything you know about him.”
Returning to the inn/caravan encampment it seemed everyone had heard a tale or two of Elkin Brevoy and his wicked ways. Also what came to the forefront was his laziness and lack of ambition – someone with his skills should be doing something far more important than championing for an old man who never calls on his services. Some men like a challenge, Elkin Brevoy is clearly not one of them. I heard that one of his favorite activities was saving a lady from peril and then impressing on her that his saving services come with strings attached. Married ladies were particularly preferred for this operation.
No need to come up with an elaborate plan here, I found out where he was, took on the form of Lady Quiriva and let “nature” take its course. We couldn’t go back to the manor house of course, so we went into the trees on the edge of town. Like the gentlemen that he is he had a blanket for us to fornicate on. I hope he washes it occasionally but somehow I doubt it. In the pre-disrobing grabfest I asked him to tell me about all the great victories he had won with his deadly flashing blade. He was only too happy to do so, and was quite good at multi-tasking as well, he barely let up on the groping at all.
“That’s so wonderful but I was really just wondering what hand you favor.”
“My right of course good lady, why do you ask?”
I put his right hand to my lips and kissed it for a moment before activating my tattoo for lion jaws and biting it off with a single snatch and tear. He was so startled he didn’t even scream – just fell back onto his knees and stared at his stump. I kicked him in the chest as hard as I could but he didn’t topple over, just knelt there staring at his frothing wrist. I swallowed the hand, deactivated the lion jaws, and then wiped the blood off my mouth.
“I need some kind of magic blood-cleaning elixir for my clothing, this is starting to get ridiculous. I know you don’t feel like this right now, but you’re going to be grateful that I only took your hand because I gave some serious consideration to going for your cock instead. Now you can still have kids and pass on your awful traits to some obnoxious brats. And I bet if you work at it you can learn to wield a sword with your left hand almost as well as you did with your right.”
He gulped/gasped, his face draining of all color. “What are you?”
“I’m the Lord of the Thirteen Himself. Now don’t you feel lucky? It’s not every asshole I come up from, the Hells to punish personally. But you’re a very special boy.”
Funds: 1020 platinum, 11,154 gold, 6 silver
Inventory: Noble’s Traveling Outfit, Animated Riding Coat, Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Dagger of Venom, Bracers of Armor +2, Ring of Protection +2, Light Crossbow, Fake Signet Ring, Map, False Papers, Bag of Concealment, Belt of Giant Strength +4, Vest of Resistance +1, Ring of Sustenance, Gem of Brightness, Potion of Invisibility, Silver Chain set with Moonstones, Gold and Emerald Ring (2), Glove of Vampiric Touch, Platinum and Silver Holy Symbol of Kralten, Thunder (Heavy Warhorse)
Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane,
Piltis Swine, Rince
Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle
the butler , Alice Kinsey , “ Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire
Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror,
Eedraxis, Skin-Taker tribe,
Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family,
Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale
Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna
Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee, Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer,
Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium
of Three Rivers
Behind the Scenes – I’m treating the Animated Riding Coat the same as an Animated Straight Jacket statwise