While Martialla started preparations for crafting some magic elixirs I poked around the ruins of the Old Empire castle a bit.  Part of me was hoping to still find a medusa lurking about.  No such luck however.  Never having had the luxury of a formal education I don’t know much about the Old Empire.  For that matter I don’t know a ton about the New Empire either other than we use its calendar.  I suppose once a another empire gets up and running we’ll have to change calendars again – which has to be a real pain in the balls for historians.  Plus then what are we going to call the New Empire?  The Second Empire?  That’s lame.  Plus who would want their empire to be called the Third Empire?  That tells people right off the bat that there were already two other empires. 

I wandered back to camp as the sun was going down and I saw that our efforts in going off-road had been fruitless – the bounty hunters were back and they brought friends.  In addition to the older fellow in the blue greatcoat and the lady with the fancy cloak there was another woman with a long black braid and a hideous half-orc wearing some kind of weird armor.  It looked like it was made from loose strips of metal, I found it very off-putting.  I think we can all agree that visual appeal is the most important thing about battle armor.  How else do you explain breastplates with tits?  You can’t. 

Otacvio was down on the ground with a couple crossbow bolts in him and blood flowing out of him, Martialla was nowhere to be seen, Hardra, Tudos and Altos were kneeling with their hands behind their heads looking terrified.  Braids was covering them with a crossbow while the other three examined the coach as if there was a secret panel or something that I could be hiding in.  Which I guess there is – you could hide a whole squad of folks in the extra dimensional storage bins.  For a little while anyway.  I suppose that’s why necromancers love skeletons so much – soldiers that don’t need to breathe are much easier to haul around.  Plus they don’t whine all the time.

“You lot don’t fool around do you?  I’m curious which of you Hardra offered to sleep with in order to get out of this jam, the old dude or the half-orc.  I mean you put a bag over the halfbreed’s head and you’re good to go there.”

The older fellow was still operating as the mouthpiece “Nice try heading off the trail but we found you.”

“What’s the point of saying that, you’re right here, I know you found us – mentioning it is a waste of time.  How did you find me in the first place?  Why can everyone find me so easily?”

“Trade secret.”

“Of course.  So what’s the play here, I come with you or you kill the hostages?”

“Essentially.”

“And what if I don’t care about the hostages?”

He sighed “Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.”

“Why not?  You’re trying to take me prisoner, why wouldn’t I make that as difficult as possible?  You say a lot of stupid things you know that?”

“Surrender yourself and no one gets hurt!”

“Counter offer, fuck you.  Actually wait, cancel that – unfuck you.  What’s the bounty on me anyway?  Maybe I can pay you off like the greedy worms you are.”

“Unthinkable!  Once we take a contract we would never consider taking a bribe.”

“Really?  What about you Braids?  Or you Uggo?  I never met a half-orc that wouldn’t take a bribe.”

The half-orc growled “Then you haven’t met enough half-orcs.”

“Or too many, alright then, I guess we back to my original offer – fuck you.  Kill the hostages and I’ll just scamper away, I can turn invisible you know so it will be pretty easy.”

Greycloak answered “You don’t seem like much of an outdoors type, without your servants I doubt it will be hard to track you down.”

“That’s a very astute observation, and well said, you should be the leader rather than this stammering old fool.”

“Who says I’m not?”

“Good for you, it’s always good to see women making strides in the violence industry. Alright then, I hereby surrender to you body and soul.”  I dropped my dagger to the ground dramatically and held my arms out “Let my friends go, I’m the one you want.”

The half-orc and the older fellow came towards me while Braids kept her crossbow trained on the captives and Greycloak scanned the area.  The half-orc took out a pair of manacles while the old fella gestured at me with his hand crossbow.

“I know you’ve got a crossbow hidden on you with magic too – out with it.”

I reached into my Bag and dropped the crossbow – while simultaneously palming the Gem of Brightness.

“You’re the boss.  Are you sure I can’t bribe you?”

He waved his tiny crossbow at the half-orc “Shylditch, hook her up.”

As he came towards me I put the Gem right in his face and triggered the blinding flash.  Did you know that half-orcs can see in the dark but that bright light cause them pain?  I didn’t.  I never heard search a scream.  Well, maybe once.  As I was hoping Martialla has been lurking around invisible and appeared, knocking Braids on her ass with a blast of magic.

I emitted a ray of light at the Bluecoat as well but he dodged out of the way – it’s actually pretty hard to aim a little beam of light at someone’s eyeballs when they’re expecting it.  Greycloak responded not by shooting with her bow, but rather by casting a damn spell.  I hate when spellcasters looks like normal people.  There’s a reason they’re supposed to wear stupid robes and conical hats – so you know who to wail on first.  A cloud of golden particles exploded in my face, stabbing at my eyes like sand – sand that’s also emitting pulses of blinding light.  It was an enthusiastically awful experience.

“Aw Gods my eyes!  The bow chick is magic!”

I staggered around blindly, which I have to assume is what the half-orc was also doing – it was probably funny to anyone who could see and was not in imminent danger of being killed. I heard the sadly familiar “thunk-thunk-thunk” of someone being stabbed and then I felt a piercing pain in my lower back – REALLY lower back.

“You shot me in the ass!  What is wrong with you?!”

Thankfully the glitterdust attack only lasted for a few seconds, after a moment I could make out the half-orc still blinded, Martialla standing over the lady with the braid who appeared to have been stabbed all to shit.  Bluecoat was reloading his ludicrous crossbow and Greycloak was gearing up for another spell. Judging her to be the bigger threat, at least until the half-orc can see again, I rushed and grabbed her with my Glove – draining some of her life.  She was disappointingly nonplussed by this.  She finished her spell and Martialla was entangled by a massive spiderweb.  Add that to the nightmare journal.  Despite being encased in goo Martialla managed to shoot some magic bolts of her own which were also disappointing – this broad with the cloak is tough. Bluecoat shot me in the arm with another quill pen sized bolt.

“Ow!  Are these things poisoned or what are you trying to accomplish?”

I whistled for my coat to fly off and batter my spellcasting nemesis as I grabbed a silver short blade out of the scabbard of the downed women with the braids and sprung at her in what was only a mildly awful attack.  Swinging swords isn’t really my thing.  Although stabbing people in the back while a coat is flying around their head is – and this time she felt it.  It’s like I always say, there’s no substitute for good steel in your hand.  Okay, I never said that before but I’m going to start.

I stabbed her again as she worked her magic but despite that she managed to complete her spell – blasting my coat with a frightening plume of fire.  How the heck am I going to repair that thing?  I’m a good seamstress but is that even going to work?  Worry about that later I suppose.  Martialla blasted her with another magic volley and she fell to the ground gasping and asking for quarter. Bluecoat switched to a throwing knife and sunk it into my chest like a real jerk.  But you know it was one of those little tiny throwing ones so it wasn’t much different from his hilariously small crossbow bolts.  Don’t get me wrong, it hurt, but it was just a little prick.  And I’m used to those.

“Ouch!  What is it with you?  Can’t you get a man’s weapon?  Give it up, your one lady is dead, the other surrendered – it’s just you now, call it quits.”

That’s when the half-orc came roaring back into the scene – and I mean that literally.  I’ve never heard a half-orc’s battle roar before.  It’s really quite something.  The old man smiled and was about to say something when Martilla, still wrapped up tighter than something in a something something cast another spell.  The half-orc suddenly looked calmer and somewhat confused.  It’s an expression I’ve come to recognize – and enchanted fool suddenly wondering why he’s fighting his friends.  Mind magic.  It’s a real pisser.  The old man’s smile faded.  

“As I was saying, I think it’s time for you to retire from the battlefield in good order or what have you.”

Turns out neither Otacvio nor the woman with the braid were dead dead, just really badly wounded.  And the old fellow turned out to be a priest of some obscure legal god or another and he was able to heal them both enough to keep them from croaking.  I’m not sure I would have had him bother with Otacvio had he asked but he didn’t.  I suppose that’s why he uses such puny weapons – lots of gods seem to have improbably strong opinions about their most devout followers using crummy weapons.  I suppose it’s like a needy woman who has you do stupid things to prove your love. 

The agreement we reached is they would go to Coalmoth before setting out after us again – which, depending on how fast they travel should give us a week or so headstart.  Or more I guess since we’ll be traveling in opposite directions for a few days.  Normally I wouldn’t trust anyone to keep their word about that sort of thing, but he was very serious about it on account of this dumb deity.  I think he’ll actually do it.  

After all the excitement and crying from Hardra and Altos was over Martialla (the webs went away on their own after a minute) got back to her preparations and Otacvio was doing a piss-poor job of binding his wounds as Tudos started setting up camp.  

“So what happened there bodyguard?”

“Hey, give me a break, it was four against one in an ambush.”

“How drunk were you?”

“Just the right amount for fighting, but they got the drop on me, there’s nothing anyone could have done.  I was a pincushion before I knew what was happening.”

“How are you still alive in this line of work?”

“Sticks and stones My Lady, sticks and stones.” 

“That wasn’t a cutting remark, it’s a serious question – how are you still alive?”

He took out a flask and took a long swig “A bit of luck, a bit of skill, you know how life goes.”

____________________________________________________________

Funds: 995 platinum, 219 gold

XP: 186,028

Inventory: Noble’s Traveling Outfit, Animated Riding Coat,  Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Dagger of Venom, Bracers of Armor +2, Ring of Protection +2, Light Crossbow, Fake Signet Ring,  False Papers, Bag of Concealment,  Belt of Giant Strength +4, Vest of Resistance +1, Ring of Sustenance, Gem of Brightness, Silver Chain set with Moonstones, Gold and Emerald Ring (2), Glove of Vampiric Touch, Platinum and Silver Holy Symbol of Kralten, Holy Symbol of Kozilek, Ruby (2), Black Marketers’ Bag, 879 Garnets, crystal necklace

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard

Another day on the road.  Even though this coach is absolutely fabulous I’m starting to hate it.  What’s the old expression?  Familiarity breeds contempt?  I assume someone married said that.  You spend enough time sitting next to or across from someone and you start to resent everything about them – the way they cross their legs, the way they move their lips without saying anything, the way they breathe even.  It was enough to make me think about riding up front for a while but it was a cold and drizzly morning and I wanted no part of that.  So I stayed and wallowed in Otacvio’s wine-stink.  Where does that man keep his supplies?  How can he be drunk all the time without entire wagon train of his own just carrying booze?

 I was almost happy when I heard a voice outside commanding us to stop “in the name of the law”.  Almost.  I exited the coach and saw two people blocking the road – and small distinguished looking older gentlemen in a blue greatcoat with a hand crossbow and a maiden holding a longbow in a fur-trimmed grey cloak with a large silver pin.

“Good morning friends, what can we do for you this fine dawn?

The older fellow glanced at his young companion who nodded slightly and then looked me full in the face for a moment before taking a folded parchment out of a pouch and opening it up.

“You are hereby bound by law under the auspices of Law Office of Glilcus and Stolo.  You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat.  Please come with us now.”

“Since when does a law firm arrest people?”

“We have our orders ma’am, please come along quietly.”

“Yeah I don’t think so.  Are you trying to arrest me or what is going on here?  Who are you?”

“Look, just come with us, we don’t want any trouble.”

“Wow, what a convincing argument, still no.  Otacvio get out here!”

Martialla came out followed a moment later by Otacvio, shrugging on his breastplate and holding his swordbelt. The older fellow who had done all the talking got a hard look on his face.

“It’s going to be like that huh?”

“How about you tell me what’s going on and then we can decide what it’s going to be like.  You’re the ones who came up on us with weapons in hand.  You’re highwaymen for all I know.  Er, highwaypeople I mean.”

They both seemed inappropriately offended by that remark.

“Madam, we are not highwaymen!  We are officers of the court!”

“Meaning what? Speak plainly.  Are you a sheriff or a road warden?  We’re not in a city so you can’t be city watch.  If you’re trying to arrest me what am I being accused of?”

The woman finally spoke “We’re recovery agents ma’am.”

I snorted “Oh, you mean you’re bounty hunters?  I thought you said you were law officers.  Get the Hells out of the road before I have you run over.”

The old man bristled “We are law officers!”

“You’re hired goons.  You kidnap people for money.  Maybe some of them are criminals, I doubt you know or care.  This law office wants me and you’re their muscle for hire.  Well I’m not going, so what then?  You kill me?  And then you get paid.  Sounds like assassination to me.  Everyone back inside, we’re moving on, Tudos, if they don’t move trample them.  It’s fine, they’re not real people.”

I moved to get back in the coach and he pointed his hand crossbow at me while his companion drew an arrow from her quiver.

“You gonna shoot me old man?  You want to turn this into a bloodbath?”

He shook his head “Just come with us.”

“Does that ever work for you?  Where did you learn how to negotiate?”

I climbed aboard, a prickling sensation running up my spine for a moment as I had the awful flashing vision of being shot in the back.  A moment later Martialla and Otacvio carefully backed in as well and we were off – although Tudos went to the trouble of going around the two sellswords instead of running them down like I said.  I suppose it’s safer for the horses that way. Hardra looked white as a ghost.

“What was that all about?”

“Who knows?  There’s always something trying to ruin my day, it’s my lot in life.”

Martialla looked solemn “I’ve heard about Glilcus and Stolo, they’re no one to be trifled with.”

I threw my hands up “Of course, of fucking course, just once I’d like an enemy that is someone to be trifled with.”

“Those sort probably don’t last long.”

“Don’t be reasonable with me.”

Once I was done being angry I realized that the most likely reason Hardra was so terrified is that she thought the bounty hunters were after her.  I wonder what she did.  No one saw them tailing us, but I’m sure they are, there’s no reason for them to give up so easily – we’re following the road so it’s not like we’re hard to track.  We had stopped at mid-day to stretch our legs, eat, and care for the horses when I asked Tudos if he knew any other trails we could take or cross-country routes to throw off our assumed pursuers.  

“I wouldn’t recommend it ordinarily My Lady, but this gig is a real beauty – I think she can take it.”

“Why do men always think of ships and coaches and the like as being female?”

“I couldn’t say My Lady.”

“I think you could.”

We ditched the road and headed across the hills – even with the enhanced suspension it was a bit of a rough ride.  Otacvio looked like he was going to puke his guts out but he managed to keep himself in check – possibly because I was threatening him quite viciously at the time.  If you puke on me there’s going to be a problem.  It’s one of the many reasons motherhood is not for me.  A few hours later after passing through a wooded area I saw out the window a tumbled down guardhouse of some sort.  I nudged Hardra.

“What’s that about?”

“I believe we’re in the area of an old Imperial castle ruin My Lady.”

“Do you mean an old castle of the Empire or a castle of the Old Empire?”

 “The Old Empire My Lady.”

I was only mildly interested as we passed by a few more tumbled down piles of rocks – then then I saw a “statue” of a woman swinging a sword in an awkward position. Here’s something to remember – no one makes statues like that, especially ones with looks of terror on their face.  I knocked on the wall of the carriage to indicate we were stopping. 

“Alright people, look like lively, we’ve got a medusa in the area.”

Otacvio frowned “If there’s a medusa why are we stopping?”

“For the safety of the realm of course.  And also because there’s a really great skin cream that’s made from the blood of medusa, it’s fantastic, I’m telling you.”

“Isn’t medusa blood poisonous?”

“Beauty ain’t for sissies pal.”

As we gathered outside the coach in and about the ruins we could see six other “statues” which obviously were the petrified victims of the medusa.  

“Alright, Martialla, Otacvio and I will creep around and find the medusa and kill her.  You three stay here.  Tudos and Altos cover up the horses heads so they don’t get turned to stone – then you all stay in the coach and don’t look at anything until I get back.”

Otacvio glanced about worriedly “How are we supposed to not get turned to stone?”

“Use your peripherals, it will be fine.  Let’s go!”

He didn’t feel better when I drank my potion and Martialla cast her spell, the both of us turning invisible and leaving him “alone”.   We crept around the ruins until I spotted a central building of some kind that had been turned from a ruin into less of a ruin by some kind of stone-magic.  If that’s not a sure sign of a medusa I don’t know what is.  Which, as it turns out, I don’t.  Sadly there was no medusa, just some crazy dwarves that worship some kind of earth elemental demon entity.  It was barely even worth killing them, but I suppose it does make everyone safer.  Martialla found a wand or something that made her happy so it wasn’t a complete loss.

“I was kind of hoping once we killed the source the people would turn back into not stone.”

Otacvio was busy looting the dusty little bearded buggers “That would have been convenient.”

“Oh well, there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

Martialla was examining a scroll she found “Actually I can probably mix up a salve that should turn them back.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s not too hard.  It might take a day or two but it’s doable.”

“Well then, let’s set up here for a while.”

Otacvio looked up in surprise “We’re going to do it?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t we?”

“You just don’t seem like . . .”

“I don’t seem like what?”

“I just meant . . . I don’t know what I meant.”

____________________________________________________________

Funds: 995 platinum, 219 gold

XP: 173,628

Inventory: Noble’s Traveling Outfit, Animated Riding Coat,  Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Dagger of Venom, Bracers of Armor +2, Ring of Protection +2, Light Crossbow, Fake Signet Ring,  False Papers, Bag of Concealment,  Belt of Giant Strength +4, Vest of Resistance +1, Ring of Sustenance, Gem of Brightness, Silver Chain set with Moonstones, Gold and Emerald Ring (2), Glove of Vampiric Touch, Platinum and Silver Holy Symbol of Kralten, Holy Symbol of Kozilek, Ruby (2), Black Marketers’ Bag, 879 Garnets, crystal necklace

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard