After Fynwar’s grand proclamation about my death and damnation I was given a concoction to drink and taken to an even smaller windowless room about the size of a closet where I was bound hand and foot and left in the darkness. I managed to vomit up some of the concoction by sticking my tongue down my throat. It’s a risky move since you can easily choke as well but since I was destined for the chopping block anyway it seemed like a risk worth taking. Even so I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep for a few hours. Upon waking I activated my tattoo for lion jaws. Do you know how easy it is to gnaw through a rope with lion teeth? I do now. Once my hands were free I switched to lion night vision and untied my feet. As you all know I’m not a fan of “body art” at least not for someone like me – if you’re already ugly why not cover yourselves up, but my glory shouldn’t be altered by mortal hands.
However I can’t deny that the runes the dwarfs put on me have been a life saver more than once. I’m loath to entertain the idea but it would probably be a good idea to get some more magical tattoos for occasions just like this – it’s critical to have assets that can’t be taken away from you. Well, I’m sure they can but if your captors are willing to scrape your flesh off you’re probably in trouble you can’t get out of anyway. One other thing they can’t take away is my secret pocket, actually I’m sure there is some way that magic can do just that but you know what I mean. I’m no good with locks but I’m just fine with a crowbar – it took some work but I got the door open. Exploring I found that I was in a very narrow townhome that didn’t appear to be inhabited – must just be for secret occult rituals. I found my gear in a creepy room full of discarded clothing and other items and exited the building, taking on the guise of Fynwar himself in case there were guards or secret watchers.
I got back to the inn just as the sun was rising and took on Martialla’s form to head up to our room – which confused the early morning staff to no end. As I came into the room I heard Martialla’s lethargic voice from under a pile of blankets.
“What happened to you?”
“I was beaten, poisoned, drugged, threatened with death. The usual. The good news is that I managed to escape. The bad news is I don’t think Fynwar is going to hold up his end of the deal. Oh, and I think I managed to pick up another curse.”
“That’s too bad, Thrice-Cursed has a nice ring to it. Quice-Cursed isn’t nearly as good.”
“Quice isn’t a word.”
“Sure it is, I said it and you knew what I meant, that’s how words work.”
“No. But that makes me think, if we’re going to be traveling together we should probably some up with our own secret language that only we know. That would really be helpful.”
“Sure because no one gets suspicious when you intentionally start talking in a language they don’t understand. We’ll start with quice.”
I’m can’t explain why but instead of crawling into bed I sat on the floor against the wall to rest up a bit from my beating, poisoning, drugging (the bad kind), and death threatening until Martialla got up. When she did so she was shocked by my ragged appearance.
“God Gods, you look like you were beaten by four men with clubs.”
“Luckily for me they only hit me in the face and upper torso. And also the lower torso and legs and the middle part.”
She nodded “Very lucky. Let’s get some breakfast.”
After breakfast I was in an alley puking my guts out – if you’re going to drug someone you could at least have the courtesy to use something that won’t upset their stomach. It was pretty bad, I felt like I didn’t have any liquid left in my body by the time the whole thing was done. After the marathon vomiting (maravomiting ?) we returned to the temple of Odobenine and found the second in command – an austere woman in an awful white and orange dress whose hair looked like she washed it with lye. She was quite startled when we walked into her office and sat down. Normally I think it’s odd that a priest would have an office like a clerk, but in the Church of Deals it makes sense.
“The bad news is your boss is an apostate and a traitor, the good news is you’re about to be the new head priest, er, priestess I mean.”
Our new best friend Milania took my tale of Fynwar and his devotion to Kralten at face value – I guess there’s not a lot of loyalty in a church dedicated to greed. She took us to a watch commander that clearly owed her a great many debts and I told them everything I knew – especially helpful was my ability to show them exactly what all the cultists looked like. A few hours later and strike-teams of city watchmen were breaking down doors and grabbing up Kraltenites like eagles snatching up serpents. Or some other better metaphor, what am I writer? One of the cultists had rigged his house with alchemist’s fire to explode which killed several men, but those are the risks you sign up for when you agree to take the measly copper salary in law enforcement. Other than that it was a by the numbers cult uprooting. Martialla and I watched as Fynwar was dragged into the public square and beheaded that very day. If there was any kind of trial I didn’t see it.
“I doesn’t happen often, but it’s nice when the law is on your side for a change.”
Corset lady (who was dressed normally at this point) was up next for the executioner’s swing and was spewing curses at me non-stop, even for a few seconds after the ax fell. Which is really something to see.
“These Kralten people really have it out for you. Are there any other religious orders that you’ve made enemies with?”
“Probably. Who can keep track?”
Once all the “law” was done being doled out we returned to the temple of Odobenine where Melania called up the power of her god to remove the many curses afflicting me. She made it very clear though that she was NOT doing this for free, that we had earned “credit” for exposing a traitor in their organization. Once all the chanting and censor-waving was done she gave me a receipt – apparently the Church of Deals still owes me eleven thousand and change in credit. Non-interest bearing, non-transferrable, non this and non that. While she was droning on I almost tossed it away in boredom but I think her head might have exploded had I done that. Afterwards Martialla and I went to one of the nicer restaurants in town to a relaxing dinner.
“How do you feel?”
“The same, only less cursed.”
“I’ll drink to that. So tomorrow we set off for Heller’s Hills?”
“Oh, I suppose. I’m kind of losing my enthusiasm for this whole bringing Hardra back from the dead scenario.”
“What do you want to do now?”
“Right now? I want to smoke some flayleaf, drink some good bourbon, and then sleep for ten days. Tomorrow we’ll see”
“Now that sounds like a plan.”
_______________________________________________________________
Hair regrowth progress : .0375%
Funds: 747 platinum, 58,301 gold
XP: 261,961
Inventory: Wig of Alluring Charisma +4, Enchanted White Pathfinder’s Gear (effects as Iadaran Dress Uniform) Pocketed Scarf, Wrist Sheath, Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Ring of Protection +2, Assortment of Fake Signet Rings, Bag of Concealment, Belt of Giant Strength +4, Versatile Vest, Ring of Sustenance, Silver Chain set with Moonstones, Gold and Emerald Ring (2) Black Marketers’ Bag, 852 Garnets, Campfire Bead, Expedition Pavilion, +1 Human Bane Endless Ammunition Light Crossbow, Deck of Curses (two cards used), Blue Dragoncloth Dress, severed hag head, Ring of Urban Grace, gold necklace with jade pendant, Feather Token (tree) 2, white squirrel fur slippers, +1 Human Bane Dagger, ivory combs, Bewitching Gown, masterwork lute, Grappling Scarf, Wyvern Skin Robe (Robe of Arcane Heritage), receipt
Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis, Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee, Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard, Forsaken Kin, Law Offices of Office of Glilcus and Stolo
The Errant Endeavors of Ela the Expert 