Mede 26 Year 888 (New Imperial Calendar)

Remember the other day when I was bragging about how good I am at hearing people sneaking up on me?  What’s the old saying about pride and the fall?  After all the excitement in capturing the two whoever those people are I was sleeping in front of the fireplace when all of a sudden I woke up in a sack.  I tried to throw my voice to whoever might be around but either no one was there to hear it or they couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from.  Tangent, have you ever heard a man describe a woman’s ass as she walks looking like two cats in a burlap sack fighting?  I can infer from context that this is supposed to mean she’s got a great ass, but seriously, what the fuck?  That is pure nonsense.  Men are so fucking weird.

With nothing much else to do I tried to gnaw and claw my way through the sack but that was a non-starter.  If only I had been transformed into a beaver or some other gnawing champion of the animal world.  Or something with big antlers like a jackalope.  After several minutes of nauseating swaying I found myself dumped unceremoniously in what looked like the office of a warehouse – potentially an abandoned warehouse based on the amount of dust and detritus around.  Why do people allow abandoned warehouses to stand?  Everyone knows criminals live in them, they probably generate criminals spontaneously.  If a warehouse can’t find a new . . . whatever results in a warehouse having stuff in, it in a week it should be torn down.  Why would a warehouse ever be abandoned anyway?  If it “goes out of business” isn’t it just a free place to store stuff then?  There’s so much about the warehouse industry that I don’t know.    

The door was shut and there appeared to be no other paths of cat-escape so I hid under the desk, peering out at the sacker – it was the second follow from the night-time assault on the tower, the one with all the leather, although he was dressed normal now.  Still though he was wearing a low hood and I couldn’t get a good look at his face.  All the dust being stirred up elicited a tiny cat-sneeze from me, which prompted a “bless you” from my captor.

“Did you just bless a cat?”

“Only because I knew you were really a person.”

“What’s the plan here buddy?”

“You’re going to answer my questions or I’m going to drag you out from under that desk and strangle you dead.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.  That’s the wrong approach.  You guys killed the only person who could turn me back into a human so I have no reason to live anyway, threats of death are meaningless.  Turn me back into a lady and then you can threaten me with death because then I have something to lose.  As thing stand now there’s not much you can do that I care about.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t turn you back, I don’t know anything about magic.”

“Well then we’re at a bit of an impasse then aren’t we?  How about you tell me what’s going on and let’s see if we can work this out together.”

“Telling you anything doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

“It’s a great idea.  If you tell me everything and then if I can’t help you out then you can just do the dragging and strangling to death thing and there’s no harm done.  If I can then you get helped.  There’s no downside for you here.”

He was quiet for a long time before speaking again “I need to know what Reedsy Trygve said to you.”

“Who’s Reedsy Trygve?  Oh, the masseur?  Lady Tittlesmith’s personal servant slash bodyguard?  He didn’t say anything to me.”

“He must have.”

“Uh, I guess he did say something to me when we were watching the house burn down.”

His voice was very measured but at this moment betrayed a hint of desperation “What was it?”

“This isn’t question answering time, this is figure out a plan time.  So you want to know what that guy told me and I want to be returned to my original species – how are we going to work this out?  Your friend who did this she can undo it right?”

“I suppose she can.”

“So there you go, nothing could be simpler right?  You just need to rescue her and then she can turn me back and then I’ll tell you what he said and then everything will be square.  I like this plan, this is a good plan.”

“She’s still alive?”

“Yeah, they killed the other guy, the one with the axes, but they took her alive.  All you have to do is get her out.”

“That’s a suicide mission.  I’m the only one left.  Every time we’ve tried this we’ve failed.”

“But that’s because you were going up against me, and I took you down – even as a cat things were going fine for your friends until I got involved and turned the tide – but now I’m going to be on your side.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I don’t want to be cat, remember, we just talked about that.  You let me go and I’ll go back to the manor and figure out where your friend is being held and then we can come up with a plan to get her sprung.  I can be your spy.”

“How can I trust you?”

“You can’t.  But what choice do you have?  If it makes you feel better I was under arrest for murder, that’s why I was in that tower, so it’s not like I have any interest in thwarting you – I was only fighting back because you guys were trying to attack me.  If all you wanted to know is what that giant told me why didn’t you just ask?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I’m sure.  I think this is the best offer you’re going to get, do we have a deal?”

“How will we coordinate?  Will you come back here?”

“Do you know how far this is to walk for cat?  I assume you can observe the Oeracea house without being seen, or noticed I mean really, when I want to talk I’ll just come out and sit on the front steps.  You can signal me and we’ll figure it out from there.  Or actually I can throw my voice quite a ways, we probably won’t even need to meet really – I can talk to you from across the street.”

“Who are you anyway?”

“It’s complicated.”

_______________________________________________________________

Hair regrowth progress :  NA 

Funds: None

XP: 348,051

Inventory:  Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Enchanted Tattoo (Storm)

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard, Forsaken Kin, Law Offices of Office of Glilcus and Stolo, Jey Rora, Colonel Tarl Ciarán

Mede 25 Year 888 (New Imperial Calendar)

I didn’t think there was anything that could make me contemplate giving up my quest for revenge but I was wrong.  I was giving some serious consideration to living out my days as a talking cat in a noble household.  It’s a pretty sweet gig.  Hacking up a furball put an end to that train of thought.  After eating a nice piece of bacon that was just sitting unprotected on a table in the kitchen and peeing on an antique rug in the drawing room I jumped into bed with the Lord and his wife and started walking around on them.  They didn’t seem to be getting the hint so I knocked over a pitcher of wine, spilling it mostly on the bed.  That got their attention.  I climbed up the drapes and onto the canopy of the bed until Lord Oeracea was through cursing and then looked down over the edge at him. 

“As much fun as this is I think I’m ready to go back to being a human now.  What’s the status on that project?”

“I don’t know what there is to be done about it.  With the high priest dead there’s no one with the magic in town who can dispel the magic.”

“Maybe there is, the woman who turned me into a cat presumable can turn me back as well.”

“If we knew where she was she’s already be in custody.”

“Indeed, that’s why we need to trap her like a tasty rat.  I’m not sure if those people were coming to kill me or capture me, turning someone into a cat could go either way really, but they wanted me for some reason.  So you let it leak that I’ve been un-catified and am being held here and then we wait for the assassins and/or kidnappers to make their move and then we grab them.”

“Leak it to whom?”

“Whoever knew that I was being held in the tower.  Someone had to have informed them in the first place.  Have the next ranking priest come to the house – there’s no reason to think that they know the high priest was the only one who could help me – and then have some illusionist appear to be me and wander around in the gardens a couple times and let’s see what happens.”

“They must have killed the high priests because they knew he was the only one that could help you though.”

“You don’t know that for a fact.  You don’t even know that they killed him.  There’s no reason not to try right?  If they don’t take the bait what have we lost?”

“Who’s going to apprehend them if they do show up?

“Those Vultur people claim to be all about law and order, let’s see it.”

I was snoozing on and off the rest of the day while the Lord and the guard and the Vulturians discussed the plan – humans can be so tedious.  In the end they decided to do as I said, I don’t understand why people can’t just obey my wishes from the get go, that’s what’s going to happen in the end so why not just skip to the punchline?  I’ll never understand people’s motivations.  I think the second in command priest, who I guess is the new high priest now, visited at some point while I was sleeping in a windowsill.  Later that night was I was exploring I found a bored looking half-elf woman sitting alone in one of the spare rooms leafing through a book.  She was pretty enough, for a human.  I jumped up onto the table where she was reading and regarded her with catlike curiosity.

“You must be the ringer.”

“And you must be the talking cat.”

“I think my deduction was a little more challenging.  So you’re an illusionist then huh?”

“Enchantress, but I’ll get the job done.”

“I’m sure you will.  Tell me, why is an illusionist an illusionist no matter their sex but a man is an enchanter while you’re an enchantress?  Why aren’t you both enchantists?”

She sounded disinterested “I’m sure I don’t know.”

“That’s the only school of magic where there’s a difference, did you know that?  Abjurer, Conjurer, Necromancer, Diviner, Evoker, Transmuter, there’s no evokresses or divinesses.  Why do you suppose that is?  Probably because when it comes to messing this people’s minds they want to be clear – after all if an enchanter made you do something that has certain connotations right?   Did they really enchant you or did you want to do it?  That needs to be clearly delineated from when a sexy lady enchantress controls your mind otherwise people might get the wrong idea.”

“I can’t say as I ever thought about it.”

“What’s wrong with your tits?”

Excuse me?”

“I smell something weird coming from your chest area.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but that’s where I keep my familiar.”

“Why?”

“He’s cold-blooded, that help keep him warm.”

“Sure, that’s not weird at all.”

“Look lady, I . . .”

“Hey shut up Snake Tits, I hear someone coming.  Do your thing.”

“They can’t already know . . .”

I jumped off the table and hid under the bed “Just do it!”

With a world-weary sigh she cast her spell and was cloaked in an illusion that didn’t look exactly like me (well me when I’m not a cat) but was close enough.  Given that she was going on just a verbal description I’ll give her credit for getting as close as she did.  In case you were wondering I tried to use my disguise powers but I was only able to make myself look like different cats or other small animals.  Magic is crazy. I was about to come out from under the bed because it was just two of Lord Oeracea’s servants that came in but when the imposter-me turned to say something to them one of them pointed at her and said some magic words and she instantly passed out – the other “servant” catching her before she fell out of her chair.    

I threw my voice to the bluecoats and guardsmen I knew to be waiting down the hall. 

“It’s going down, they’re in the room now disguised as servants.”

“Servant” #1 watched the door while “servant” #2 bundled up the imposter and started to unfurl a rope out the window.  A moment later the four Vulturians came into the room with crossbows at the ready, backed up by two of Lord Oeracea’s personal guard and two watchmen.  The “servant” on watch spoke some more magic words and one of the guards turned and buried his spear into the belly of his counterpart.  The second “servant” produced two axes and charged into the group, after that it was pandemonium.  Fighting eight on two didn’t seem to bother these kidnappers in the least. 

With nothing else to contribute to the cause I stayed low and slunk out from under the bed to the unconscious enchantress and tried to wake her up with a friendly claw-swipe to the face.  Which prompted her boob-snake to strike out at me but I was able to cat-jump back away from its fangs.

“Oh sure, that you get upset, where were you when your mistress was being put to sleep and hauled away?”

She did come around, groggy, sitting up and looking blankly at the raging combat.

“The two dressed as servants, get them!”

She cast a spell but all it did was transport her and her dumb snake away from the action.  Dirty bitch.  I saw another cat dash into hiding under the bed – the spellcaster must have struck again – although this one was a dingy orange and grey, I guess you make as attractive of a cat as you make a person.  Things didn’t look good for the home team.  Both guards were down, as were two of the Vulturians and one of the watchmen – the “servants” looked banged up but they were both still up and swinging, although it looked like the one was out of spells.  I had no idea if this was going to work, but I decided to give it a try.  Leaping onto the table I tried to summon the magic of my Storm tattoo, and surprisingly I was able to do to so – I don’t know if that means there’s a tiny tattoo under all this fur or what, as I said before magic is crazy. 

I unleashed the bolt of arcane lightening and smashed both infiltrators to the ground.  That must have really been something to see – a little black kitty summoning up a deadly stroke of electricity from a tiny paw.  This is quite a world we live in.  It looked like maybe neither of them was going to ever get up again, but one of the bluecoats cast a healing spell and prevented the enemy spellcaster from expiring on the spot.  The other fellow wasn’t so lucky – a goodly amount of the flesh on his right side had been melted off.  I saw stuff inside him that you’re not supposed to be able to see. I don’t know if there’s any healing spell for that.  

_______________________________________________________________

Hair regrowth progress :  NA 

Funds: None

XP: 348,051

Inventory:  Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Enchanted Tattoo (Storm)

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard, Forsaken Kin, Law Offices of Office of Glilcus and Stolo, Jey Rora, Colonel Tarl Ciarán