Mede 25 Year 888 (New Imperial Calendar)

I didn’t think there was anything that could make me contemplate giving up my quest for revenge but I was wrong.  I was giving some serious consideration to living out my days as a talking cat in a noble household.  It’s a pretty sweet gig.  Hacking up a furball put an end to that train of thought.  After eating a nice piece of bacon that was just sitting unprotected on a table in the kitchen and peeing on an antique rug in the drawing room I jumped into bed with the Lord and his wife and started walking around on them.  They didn’t seem to be getting the hint so I knocked over a pitcher of wine, spilling it mostly on the bed.  That got their attention.  I climbed up the drapes and onto the canopy of the bed until Lord Oeracea was through cursing and then looked down over the edge at him. 

“As much fun as this is I think I’m ready to go back to being a human now.  What’s the status on that project?”

“I don’t know what there is to be done about it.  With the high priest dead there’s no one with the magic in town who can dispel the magic.”

“Maybe there is, the woman who turned me into a cat presumable can turn me back as well.”

“If we knew where she was she’s already be in custody.”

“Indeed, that’s why we need to trap her like a tasty rat.  I’m not sure if those people were coming to kill me or capture me, turning someone into a cat could go either way really, but they wanted me for some reason.  So you let it leak that I’ve been un-catified and am being held here and then we wait for the assassins and/or kidnappers to make their move and then we grab them.”

“Leak it to whom?”

“Whoever knew that I was being held in the tower.  Someone had to have informed them in the first place.  Have the next ranking priest come to the house – there’s no reason to think that they know the high priest was the only one who could help me – and then have some illusionist appear to be me and wander around in the gardens a couple times and let’s see what happens.”

“They must have killed the high priests because they knew he was the only one that could help you though.”

“You don’t know that for a fact.  You don’t even know that they killed him.  There’s no reason not to try right?  If they don’t take the bait what have we lost?”

“Who’s going to apprehend them if they do show up?

“Those Vultur people claim to be all about law and order, let’s see it.”

I was snoozing on and off the rest of the day while the Lord and the guard and the Vulturians discussed the plan – humans can be so tedious.  In the end they decided to do as I said, I don’t understand why people can’t just obey my wishes from the get go, that’s what’s going to happen in the end so why not just skip to the punchline?  I’ll never understand people’s motivations.  I think the second in command priest, who I guess is the new high priest now, visited at some point while I was sleeping in a windowsill.  Later that night was I was exploring I found a bored looking half-elf woman sitting alone in one of the spare rooms leafing through a book.  She was pretty enough, for a human.  I jumped up onto the table where she was reading and regarded her with catlike curiosity.

“You must be the ringer.”

“And you must be the talking cat.”

“I think my deduction was a little more challenging.  So you’re an illusionist then huh?”

“Enchantress, but I’ll get the job done.”

“I’m sure you will.  Tell me, why is an illusionist an illusionist no matter their sex but a man is an enchanter while you’re an enchantress?  Why aren’t you both enchantists?”

She sounded disinterested “I’m sure I don’t know.”

“That’s the only school of magic where there’s a difference, did you know that?  Abjurer, Conjurer, Necromancer, Diviner, Evoker, Transmuter, there’s no evokresses or divinesses.  Why do you suppose that is?  Probably because when it comes to messing this people’s minds they want to be clear – after all if an enchanter made you do something that has certain connotations right?   Did they really enchant you or did you want to do it?  That needs to be clearly delineated from when a sexy lady enchantress controls your mind otherwise people might get the wrong idea.”

“I can’t say as I ever thought about it.”

“What’s wrong with your tits?”

Excuse me?”

“I smell something weird coming from your chest area.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but that’s where I keep my familiar.”


“He’s cold-blooded, that help keep him warm.”

“Sure, that’s not weird at all.”

“Look lady, I . . .”

“Hey shut up Snake Tits, I hear someone coming.  Do your thing.”

“They can’t already know . . .”

I jumped off the table and hid under the bed “Just do it!”

With a world-weary sigh she cast her spell and was cloaked in an illusion that didn’t look exactly like me (well me when I’m not a cat) but was close enough.  Given that she was going on just a verbal description I’ll give her credit for getting as close as she did.  In case you were wondering I tried to use my disguise powers but I was only able to make myself look like different cats or other small animals.  Magic is crazy. I was about to come out from under the bed because it was just two of Lord Oeracea’s servants that came in but when the imposter-me turned to say something to them one of them pointed at her and said some magic words and she instantly passed out – the other “servant” catching her before she fell out of her chair.    

I threw my voice to the bluecoats and guardsmen I knew to be waiting down the hall. 

“It’s going down, they’re in the room now disguised as servants.”

“Servant” #1 watched the door while “servant” #2 bundled up the imposter and started to unfurl a rope out the window.  A moment later the four Vulturians came into the room with crossbows at the ready, backed up by two of Lord Oeracea’s personal guard and two watchmen.  The “servant” on watch spoke some more magic words and one of the guards turned and buried his spear into the belly of his counterpart.  The second “servant” produced two axes and charged into the group, after that it was pandemonium.  Fighting eight on two didn’t seem to bother these kidnappers in the least. 

With nothing else to contribute to the cause I stayed low and slunk out from under the bed to the unconscious enchantress and tried to wake her up with a friendly claw-swipe to the face.  Which prompted her boob-snake to strike out at me but I was able to cat-jump back away from its fangs.

“Oh sure, that you get upset, where were you when your mistress was being put to sleep and hauled away?”

She did come around, groggy, sitting up and looking blankly at the raging combat.

“The two dressed as servants, get them!”

She cast a spell but all it did was transport her and her dumb snake away from the action.  Dirty bitch.  I saw another cat dash into hiding under the bed – the spellcaster must have struck again – although this one was a dingy orange and grey, I guess you make as attractive of a cat as you make a person.  Things didn’t look good for the home team.  Both guards were down, as were two of the Vulturians and one of the watchmen – the “servants” looked banged up but they were both still up and swinging, although it looked like the one was out of spells.  I had no idea if this was going to work, but I decided to give it a try.  Leaping onto the table I tried to summon the magic of my Storm tattoo, and surprisingly I was able to do to so – I don’t know if that means there’s a tiny tattoo under all this fur or what, as I said before magic is crazy. 

I unleashed the bolt of arcane lightening and smashed both infiltrators to the ground.  That must have really been something to see – a little black kitty summoning up a deadly stroke of electricity from a tiny paw.  This is quite a world we live in.  It looked like maybe neither of them was going to ever get up again, but one of the bluecoats cast a healing spell and prevented the enemy spellcaster from expiring on the spot.  The other fellow wasn’t so lucky – a goodly amount of the flesh on his right side had been melted off.  I saw stuff inside him that you’re not supposed to be able to see. I don’t know if there’s any healing spell for that.  


Hair regrowth progress :  NA 

Funds: None

XP: 348,051

Inventory:  Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Enchanted Tattoo (Storm)

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard, Forsaken Kin, Law Offices of Office of Glilcus and Stolo, Jey Rora, Colonel Tarl Ciarán

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