Mede 26 Year 888 (New Imperial Calendar)

Remember the other day when I was bragging about how good I am at hearing people sneaking up on me?  What’s the old saying about pride and the fall?  After all the excitement in capturing the two whoever those people are I was sleeping in front of the fireplace when all of a sudden I woke up in a sack.  I tried to throw my voice to whoever might be around but either no one was there to hear it or they couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from.  Tangent, have you ever heard a man describe a woman’s ass as she walks looking like two cats in a burlap sack fighting?  I can infer from context that this is supposed to mean she’s got a great ass, but seriously, what the fuck?  That is pure nonsense.  Men are so fucking weird.

With nothing much else to do I tried to gnaw and claw my way through the sack but that was a non-starter.  If only I had been transformed into a beaver or some other gnawing champion of the animal world.  Or something with big antlers like a jackalope.  After several minutes of nauseating swaying I found myself dumped unceremoniously in what looked like the office of a warehouse – potentially an abandoned warehouse based on the amount of dust and detritus around.  Why do people allow abandoned warehouses to stand?  Everyone knows criminals live in them, they probably generate criminals spontaneously.  If a warehouse can’t find a new . . . whatever results in a warehouse having stuff in, it in a week it should be torn down.  Why would a warehouse ever be abandoned anyway?  If it “goes out of business” isn’t it just a free place to store stuff then?  There’s so much about the warehouse industry that I don’t know.    

The door was shut and there appeared to be no other paths of cat-escape so I hid under the desk, peering out at the sacker – it was the second follow from the night-time assault on the tower, the one with all the leather, although he was dressed normal now.  Still though he was wearing a low hood and I couldn’t get a good look at his face.  All the dust being stirred up elicited a tiny cat-sneeze from me, which prompted a “bless you” from my captor.

“Did you just bless a cat?”

“Only because I knew you were really a person.”

“What’s the plan here buddy?”

“You’re going to answer my questions or I’m going to drag you out from under that desk and strangle you dead.”



“No.  That’s the wrong approach.  You guys killed the only person who could turn me back into a human so I have no reason to live anyway, threats of death are meaningless.  Turn me back into a lady and then you can threaten me with death because then I have something to lose.  As thing stand now there’s not much you can do that I care about.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t turn you back, I don’t know anything about magic.”

“Well then we’re at a bit of an impasse then aren’t we?  How about you tell me what’s going on and let’s see if we can work this out together.”

“Telling you anything doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

“It’s a great idea.  If you tell me everything and then if I can’t help you out then you can just do the dragging and strangling to death thing and there’s no harm done.  If I can then you get helped.  There’s no downside for you here.”

He was quiet for a long time before speaking again “I need to know what Reedsy Trygve said to you.”

“Who’s Reedsy Trygve?  Oh, the masseur?  Lady Tittlesmith’s personal servant slash bodyguard?  He didn’t say anything to me.”

“He must have.”

“Uh, I guess he did say something to me when we were watching the house burn down.”

His voice was very measured but at this moment betrayed a hint of desperation “What was it?”

“This isn’t question answering time, this is figure out a plan time.  So you want to know what that guy told me and I want to be returned to my original species – how are we going to work this out?  Your friend who did this she can undo it right?”

“I suppose she can.”

“So there you go, nothing could be simpler right?  You just need to rescue her and then she can turn me back and then I’ll tell you what he said and then everything will be square.  I like this plan, this is a good plan.”

“She’s still alive?”

“Yeah, they killed the other guy, the one with the axes, but they took her alive.  All you have to do is get her out.”

“That’s a suicide mission.  I’m the only one left.  Every time we’ve tried this we’ve failed.”

“But that’s because you were going up against me, and I took you down – even as a cat things were going fine for your friends until I got involved and turned the tide – but now I’m going to be on your side.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I don’t want to be cat, remember, we just talked about that.  You let me go and I’ll go back to the manor and figure out where your friend is being held and then we can come up with a plan to get her sprung.  I can be your spy.”

“How can I trust you?”

“You can’t.  But what choice do you have?  If it makes you feel better I was under arrest for murder, that’s why I was in that tower, so it’s not like I have any interest in thwarting you – I was only fighting back because you guys were trying to attack me.  If all you wanted to know is what that giant told me why didn’t you just ask?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I’m sure.  I think this is the best offer you’re going to get, do we have a deal?”

“How will we coordinate?  Will you come back here?”

“Do you know how far this is to walk for cat?  I assume you can observe the Oeracea house without being seen, or noticed I mean really, when I want to talk I’ll just come out and sit on the front steps.  You can signal me and we’ll figure it out from there.  Or actually I can throw my voice quite a ways, we probably won’t even need to meet really – I can talk to you from across the street.”

“Who are you anyway?”

“It’s complicated.”


Hair regrowth progress :  NA 

Funds: None

XP: 348,051

Inventory:  Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Enchanted Tattoo (Storm)

Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis,  Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee,  Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard, Forsaken Kin, Law Offices of Office of Glilcus and Stolo, Jey Rora, Colonel Tarl Ciarán

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