Here’s a philosophical question for you – if a pimp gets electrocuted and no one cares did it make a sound? There’s a part of me that thinks out of all the murders I’ve committed (justifiably in self-defense obviously) I should feel the best about this one. One less pimp ion the world right? I could feel like this was for a purpose. I could feel good about myself for what I did. Like I did something constructive with my life or like I accomplished something. But in the end what does it really matter? You can’t kill your way to a better world, unless you kill everyone, and that’s more a draw than a win really. Pimps are just the pustule, they’re not the disease.
Anyway, enough pimp talk, Scarlet and her pals Fiestia (ugly corset) and Bru (washerwoman) after they got over their initial shock of witnessing a horrible death and then the more perverse shock of actually experiencing freedom (of a sort, I mean only rich people are truly free and lot of them choose not to be) got to work helping me out. Cladarielle isn’t as famous as her husband, of course, but she’s known around town so they didn’t think it would be hard to track her down. They tossed around a couple ideas but the one that was by a wide margin the most promising was contacting a watch captain by the name of Sharn Maple. He was a regular of Bru’s but she was worried that he would be angry if they approached him to ask for them.
“Yeah, that’s why he’s going to help us.”
She frowned “How’s that?”
“He’d be angry because he doesn’t want people to know that you know him, and the best way to get rid of you is to help you as soon as possible. Well or kill you, but that seems like an overreaction.”
“But if I do that I might lose him as a customer!”
“So what, you guys work at an inn now. Although might I suggest that you now have a pretty solid basis for a blackmailing business as well.”
Scarlet raised an eyebrow “Isn’t that dangerous?”
“Yes, but nothing ventured eh? Okay Bru, here’s what you do – send the guy a note saying you’re knocked up and you need money to get out of town. You don’t say outright that if you don’t get the money people will find out about the whole sordid mess but you hint at it.”
“I can’t write.”
“No worries, I’ll write for you.”
Scarlet looked dubious “Can you hold a pen in your paw?”
“What? Oh right. Sorry I forgot I was a cat for a moment. Can any of you write?” They shook their head. “Alright then, I know a place we can go to figure this out.”
We headed over to Gorum’s shop. I expected that he might be there but apparently he loves Kichwa even more than his books because there was no sign of him – they must have run from the inn and just kept running. It’s good to know that true love exists. Granted it’s easier when you don’t really know the person you’re in love with, let’s see how they’re doing in six months. For that matter as long as dwarves live do they even believe in monogamy? I’m not sure I even want to know.
Fiestia was able to tease open the lock but for some reason she did a whole innocent act before admitting that she could. Who was she trying to fool? Once inside I found a book that was one tutors use to teach kids that had a couple pages with big block letters and I was able to point out the letters for Scarlet to copy with the plentiful ink and paper in the place to write out the message. It was tedious and took a long time but she actually did pretty well considering. The writing was somewhat childish looking, but what can do you?
“Next we find a courier and the trap is set.”
Scarlet spoke for the group “What are we going to pay him with? We don’t have any money.”
“Bullshit.”
“Okay, we don’t have any money we’re going to spend on this.”
“That I can accept. Let’s go over to Gorum’s house and see how much of a hurry he left in.”
“Isn’t that robbery?”
“Yes. You lot are awfully uptight for prostitutes, crime is crime don’t get bogged down in the details.”
“Ex-prostitutes you mean, we work at an inn now.”
“Of course that’s what I meant.”
Gorum’s shack was untouched as far as I could tell. He and Kichwa must have literally left town together as soon as they were out of the inn. Or maybe a bugbear ate them. Doesn’t matter which I suppose. There were a lot more books, which probably can be sold but that’s not really quick cash. More promisingly we found a leather cutlery case with steel knives inside, a silver decanter, and a brass jar. Scarlet “happened” to know a fence called Egg who we went to see next in his basement lair at 83 Grimalkin Lane. I was expecting him to be bald because of the name but he had a full hair of hair – he wasn’t a bad looking fellow for a weasely asshole fence – so I have no idea why they call him Egg.
Scarlet bargained with the guy for what seemed like a year over these simple items and I wanted to get angry about it, but I remember what it’s like to live or die on every coin – because I was doing it less than a year ago. You should bargain as long as you can – words cost nothing and they can get you gold. It’s like magic only anyone can do it. Eventually the goods and coin were exchanged and as a bonus Egg had a short guy with a horse-face (not literally, although I saw a guy once that was cursed by a witch to have a horse head) that was willing to carrying the message for us. It was getting on to the dinner hour so we went to a restaurant nearby to await the reply. I had to hide under the table and eat off a plate on the floor. I didn’t care for that. Egg’s messenger returned with instructions to meet the Captain by the Statue of the Maker in an hour.
“Hells no, send the guy back a note saying we’ll meet him at the inn.”
“Why?”
“When you’re putting the squeeze on someone you don’t want to let them dictate the location of the meet. If this guy does want to slit your throat and toss your body in an alley for the dogs you don’t want to let him set up an ambush. We’ll meet him on our home territory.”
“We only moved to the inn yesterday, how much of an advantage could it be?”
“Sure but you know what I mean.”
Rather than messing about with a another note we just had the courier take him the message verbally. When we got back to the inn Josta was puttering around not doing much of anything with a mug of beer in her hand.
“I was wondering where you girls had gotten to. I see the magic cat is back.”
“With a vengeance. We’re going to use your place to meet with a watch captain we’re blackmailing. Do you have a crossbow?”
“No, but it he gets out of line I’ll bash him with my shovel.”
“Good enough.”
The watch captain was a tall fellow that had one of those weird baby faces – not that he looked young exactly, he looked like a middle aged man with a baby face. I found it unsettling. He had clearly been quite the physical presence in years gone by but he was putting on a little weight and was at the point where he was either going to realize that he can’t live like he used to or begin the long slow slide into slovenly portliness. He was equal parts shocked by a talking cat and relieved that he hadn’t impregnated a sex worker.
“Don’t get too excited though, because we’re still extorting you – I need to know where Cladarielle Staelish is and/or what happened to her. She didn’t come home last night and I don’t think that’s her usually shtick.”
His eyes widened “Bywan Staelish’s wife is missing?”
“Yes, and you’re going to find her – aren’t you lucky?! Think how impressed and happy he’ll be that you saved his wife. I mean he’s this hero right and you saved his wife, what does that make you?”
His eyes gleamed “A big damn hero.”
“You can say that again, twice if you like.”
“What am I saving her from?”
“That’s what you need to find out my friend.”
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Hair regrowth progress : NA
Funds: None
XP: 348,051
Inventory: Animal Totem Tattoo (Lion), Enchanted Tattoo (Storm)
Revenge List: Duke Eaglevane, Piltis Swine, Rince Electrum, watchman Gridley, White-Muzzle the worg, Percy Ringle the butler, Alice Kinsey , “Patch”, Heroes of the Lost Sword, Claire Conrad, Erist priest of Strider, Riselda owner of the Sage Mirror, Eedraxis, Skin-Taker tribe, Kartak, Królewna & Bonifacja Trading Company, Hurmont Family, Androni Titus, Greasy dreadlocks woman, Lodestone Security, Kellgale Nickoslander, Beltian Kruin the Splithog Pauper, The King of Spiders, Auraluna Domiel, mother Hurk, Mazzmus Parmalee, Helgan van Tankerstrum, Lightdancer, Bonder Greysmith, Pegwhistle Proudfoot, Lumbfoot Sheepskin, Lumber Consortium of Three Rivers, Hellerhad the Wizard, Forsaken Kin, Law Offices of Office of Glilcus and Stolo, Jey Rora, Colonel Tarl Ciarán, Mayor Baras Haldmeer, Rindol the Sage
The Errant Endeavors of Ela the Expert 