Out of character interlude – Expert professional writing tips from the world’s greatest writer and human (me)

Writing that title reminded me that I worked with a lady who said that she was the third smartest person in the world – her parents being the first and second.  She didn’t seem that smart to me but the third smartest person in the world would be smart enough to not seem smart right?

Since I started writing on wordpress I’ve been reading a lot blogs about D&D and some about writing.  A common topic people bring up is how playing D&D (and other roleplaying games of course) can help you become a better writer.  Which is true.  Character development, plot, worldbuilding, playing roleplaying games can really help you with those things.  Among others. 

But I’m starting to realize that it can be a double-edged sword.   

I’ve done a lot of writing in my life.  In college and the years afterwards I often wrote several hours a day.  I don’t write nearly as much anymore but I still do some writing most days.  It’s a toss-up if I’ve done more roleplaying or writing.  There was a year where we played D&D every damn day for hours and hours and hours.  Probably half my life I’ve had a regular weekly game.  There were years when I had 2-3 regular weekly games.  Then add in conventions and one shots and other stuff – that’s a lot of time roleplaying.   

Tangent, when I first started online dating sometimes I would tell women one of my hobbies was roleplaying – boy were they disappointed when they found out I meant D&D and not sexy sexy sex times.  I hate homonyms.   

Before my writing was whatever I wanted.  I have dozens of half finished “novels”, tons of partially written screenplays, hundreds of short stories, and thousands of blog posts where I talked about whatever was on my mind.  I wrote until it wasn’t fun and then I stopped.   

Starting the Ela blog, and later the Grace blog (hugely popular and read by millions) “forced” me to write about the same thing and it’s exposed some flaws.  Chief among them, tossing out story hooks without any idea where to take them. 

I think this comes from D&D.  When you put together a D&D adventure sometimes you have everything planned out.  But sometimes you just have a neat idea and you throw it out and see what the players do and react to that, “writing” on the fly. 

Such as, one time my players found a cane that had a secret compartment in it.  I had forgotten that they had found a similar item in the last adventure and they spun out a whole conspiracy theory around them.  I had no such intention of that being a thing but as they were talking I was thinking “wow that’s a pretty cool idea, that’s definitely what happened now”. 

Players give DMs way too much credit in terms of foreshadowing and callbacks and call-forwards and things like that – it’s that old chestnut about the human mind looking for patterns, and making them up even if they’re not there. Your players come up with all kinds of ideas as to what the DM may be up to, even when they’re not up to anything.

The collaborative nature of rpgs results in some pretty cool ideas.  D&D is kind of like writing with several writing partners.   

But since my “real” writing it just me, myself, and not Irene I really need to break myself of the habit of throwing out half-formed ideas that I think are neat because there’s no players to react to them and shape the narrative.   Telling a story all by myself requires discipline.

The idea for the Grace blog came from How To Survive Camping, from reddit/no sleep.  The idea of HTSC is that it is an interactive thing where the commenters act like it’s real and suggest ways to solve problems and the like.  It’s a style that allows for collaborating in a way D&D type where you’re writing it but lots of people are adding in ideas.  It’s a pretty cool concept.  I wanted to do something like that. But since I’m old and scared of reddit because I don’t understand it I just did a “normal” blog.   

The end.  Good writers always say “the end”.  Otherwise how would you know it was the end? 

Retro Ela throwback post/rip-off

I swear I won’t ever do this again, I know how SUPER invested you all are in 70s Ela story.  Ela Classic was written ad hoc based on random charts and whatnot, rules turned into a narrative, but I did wake up late one night and write this bit about her being forced into a battle in THE NORTH.  I think I had it for more than a year waiting to fit it into the “story”. 

I figured I’d post it because I’m lazy and clearly I have to stick to the pretend schedule I came up with of posting Monday, Wednesday, Friday. 

Why was Ela forced into this battle?

Who is Keorl Thunderhand? 

Is it still called polygamy if you have wives and husbands?

We’ll never know. 

I’ve never seen a battle down south and I hope I never do, but from what I understand it’s quite an affair.  Huge blocks of men lumbering around in ragged squares getting into lines.  Banners and pennants and tents and guys with big hats and all kind of shit like that.  I’ve heard that the reason army people get up at dawn is it takes them until lunch just to get everyone to the battlefield and ready to kill one another.  There’s barely enough hours to even get on with the slaughter before it gets dark.  And you can’t fight in the dark.  It’s too scary.

Clearly things are a little more loose up here.  People seemed to be milling about and wandering down to the front lines like it’s a county fair.  Some people were already killing each other when I got up.  Others were still asleep.  Seems like it would have been the perfect situation to avoid the battle and just say you were there after the fact but I don’t think I can fool magic like that.  Always the damn magic.  So Instead of doing the smart thing and staying under cover until all the killing and dying was over, I went in search of Keorl Thunderhand, finding him in a heap with his wives and husbands.

I tossed a bucket of . . . something on him “Come on, the battle’s starting and it’s a race between which is going to freeze off first, my nips or my nose.”

Grinning, he disentangled himself from the pile and came out of his tent shrugging on a chain shirt and slapping on a helmet “That’s the problem with you southern women, too skinny.  You need some blubber on your bones to stay warm.”

I rubbed my hands together and blew on them “I don’t see how you people get so big up here with the warmed up dogshit you call food.”

He laughed and led me over to the “cavalry wing” which was a bunch of dudes and horses just as disorganized and chaotic as the rest.  He motioned for me to mount up on a grey and black beast that was eyeing me as dubiously as I was it.  These northern horses are so small and shaggy they’re more like sheep than equines if you ask me.

“Shouldn’t I put on some armor or something first?”

He shrugged “Sure, grab that cmail and slip it on.”

I grabbed the pile of metal he gestured to and could barely lift it “Okay, never mind, point taken.”

“Yes, and a fine point it was too.  Put on that helmet.”

I picked it up gingerly “Seems too big for me.”

He shrugged “Better than too small.” He surveyed the half-battle going on below as we mounted “Do you have any battle training?”

“Minimal.”

“How good a rider are you?”

“Excellent.”

“Good, that’s more important anyway.  If you want to survive, and you’ve certainly made it seem like you do, there’s two things you need to do.  First, stay mounted.  That may seem obvious, but I need to emphasize this because footmen do most of the dying.  You do not want to be anywhere near the earth in that mess.  Mounted, you have two things someone on foot doesn’t – vision and mobility, and that’s what you use to stay alive.  Don’t get near the middle, stay on the edges of the action where you can see what’s happening and react.  React meaning ride away of course.

If you get knocked off your horse get back on immediately, don’t worry about anything else – get back in the saddle.  If your horse gets killed, find another.  I’ll deny ever saying this but if you have to take one from someone on your own side, do that.  People tend not to expect their battle-brothers, or sisters in this case,  to kill them and take their horse so you can catch them off guard.  Your horse is your best armor and your best weapon.  Keep it between you and the people trying to kill you.  If you can, use it to crush them, if you can’t, let it take the hits for you.  How do you feel about horses?”

“I love them.”

“Will that prevent you from using one to keep yourself alive?”

“No.  I’ve done it before unfortunately.”

“That’s good. Horses are fine animals but they’re not worth risking your life over.  I’ve seen men in the middle of battle trying to save a horse.  You can imagine how well that goes.  If someone wants to take time to murder your horse, that’s time they’re not using to murder you – let them use it while you find another mount.  What you have to avoid is getting down in the melee with the foot soldiers.  You may have heard some old veteran waxing nihilistic about the chaos and blood and horror of being in the press of combat and you may have dismissed it as bold talk – it isn’t.  It is the absolute worst thing you can ever be involved with.  Call it nightmarish, call it Hellish, call it whatever you want, just avoid it. 

When you’re up on your horse, unless a man has a spear or a pike they’re going to have a hard time striking at you effectively.  Once you’re on foot they won’t even need to bother, at your size you’ll get knocked down and trampled to death.  It’s a risk for even a strong man – you got a dozen men behind you pushing you into another man who’s got a dozen men shoving him into you.  You’re pinned together so that you can’t even fight unless you have a knife.  Men trapped like that bite at each other like dogs.  It’s no lie that in the crush of battle, you don’t even know who you’re attacking. 

That’s first.  The second thing is don’t take your helmet off.  Not ever.  It’s heavy and it makes it hard to hear and it cuts off your vision and it’s going to get so hot in there you’re going to feel like you can’t breathe.  But don’t take it off, not even for a second.  If your helmet gets knocked off, find it, or another, and get it back on as fast as possible.  Don’t worry about anything else.  If it gets knocked askew and you can’t see, don’t try to take it off and put it back on, just turn it around.  If you can’t get it back right way around you’re almost better off being blind than taking it off, it’s a hard call.

There’s filthy weakling healers around that can heal you as long as you don’t get stabbed directly in the heart or in one of the main bloodlines in your thigh.  You have a chance to survive most wounds long enough to get healed.  What you can’t survive is getting your brains bashed in or an arrow through the skull.  If you get hit in the helmet it’s going to make you dizzy, you’re going to want to pull it off – do not do this.  If you lose your helmet and you can’t find another, you may be tempted to pick up a shield to protect your head.  Don’t.  If you can even lift it, you’re not going to be able to hold it high for long and then you’re just going to be tired.  You’re better off shielding your head with your weapon or even your arm – even if you’re not wearing armor.  You can live just fine with one arm, you don’t have a spare head.  Not to mention you’re rich you can regrow a new arm magically.

Stay mounted, protect your head.  Horse, helmet, that’s how you stay alive.”

“Got it.  What about attacking the enemy?”

He laughed “I wouldn’t worry about that, you don’t look like you could break an egg.”   

Madripoor – People at their most beautiful, humanity at its ugliest

As part of my continuing promise to deliver significantly less content with 70s super-Ela than D&D Ela I think what I might do is make narrative posts on Monday and Friday and have Wednesday for backgrounds posts.   When I was thinking about where to kick this story off I thought of someplace like Madripoor.  Then I decided to just call it Madripoor.  It’s already an expy of Singapore, no reason to get meta-removed another level.  Unless I get sued by Marvel.   

Madripoor 

The city of Madripoor is the capital and lone urban area of the Kingdom of Madripoor, located in the southern portion of the Strait of Malacca, southwest of Singapore.  There is no official data but most estimates put the population of Madripoor around 9 million, making it one of the most densely populated places in the world.  

Madripoor is controlled by a cartel of influential individuals and families that reestablished the government after the death of the King and the dissolution of the parliament during the Japanese Empire’s invasion in 1942.  A treaty constructed under the influence of the United Nations in the early 50s secured Madripoor’s sovereignty, ending years of occupation.  

After independence Madripoor saw a population explosion as refugees from other Japanese Imperial conquests, having lost both home and property, flooded into the “free” city.  Madripoor does not extradite criminals making it a haven for people fleeing political or criminal issues as well.  

Dutch political scientist Amelia Guttmann described Madripoor as a “non-aligned crypto libertarian pseudo republic”.  Heiress Robin Hayworth said that Madripoor was “a great place to be rich”.  Travel author Kimble Anders called Madripoor “the closest thing I’ve seen to Hell on earth away from an active battlefield”.

Languages

The major languages spoken in in Madripoor are Indonesian, Malay, English, French, and Filipino.

Economy

Madripoor is home to the most luxurious and expensive hotels and high-end service industry in the world, while also possessing one of the most severe wealth inequities in history. This economic polarization has effectively divided the city into the ultra-modern haven of the very rich and powerful, and the domain of the hopelessly poor.

Madripoor grew prominent as a transshipment hub port during the days of wind-powered shipping. In modern times this aspect has declined but it remains a duty-free port with a high volume of re-export trade.

For several years, Madripoor has been one of the few countries with an AAA credit rating and the only Asian country to achieve this rating.  Madripoor attracts a large amount of foreign investment as a result of its location, skilled workforce, low tax rates, and advanced infrastructure.  Despite market freedom, Madripoor’s government operations have a significant stake in the economy, contributing 44% of the GDP. It is a popular location for conferences and events.

Who’s going to tell Ela’s momma that her little girl ain’t coming home?

By now the word of Ela’s death has probably hit all the major news media outlets.  I was a little stunned yesterday when I was rolling that up.  It would be easy to bring her back, death is cheap in Pathfinder and D&D after all, but that’s the coward’s way.

I’ll be taking a different coward’s way.  I’m going to continue with the same character in a new story with the same basic framework.  I’m going to update Ela’s stodgy image and give her the sleek, dazzling veneer of the 1970’s.  Plus superpowers. 

My plan is for this new story to have 80% less content.  I realized when I stumbled across a similar D&D blog that I liked that if you’re coming in in the middle there’s no way you’re ever going to care enough to read the thousands of pages of backlog.  By not posting 3-10 pages every day for 2 years I hope it will be more approachable. 

Also my goal is to make Ela 60% less reprehensible. 

I’ll be tinkering with the site a bit to make it more awesome and 70s-riffic and then I’ll get started with the stuff. 

In the meantime if you just can’t live without my awkward writing please check out my other tale – https://cultissuchanuglyword.wordpress.com/blog/ my girlfriend has said that it made her uncomfortable only twice!

I know what you’re thinking, “Jeremy, you were born in the 70’s but do you actually know anything about them?”  Heck no, but this will be an alternative world where stuff is different so it’s fine.   If you read the new story and ever think “that doesn’t seem right” I did that on purpose.  That’s a choice.  Worldbuilding.  Etc. 

Out of character interlude – a couple magic items and some serious jibber-jabber

Whenever I do a non-story post (except for the map posts which are the best) I feel like I’m cheating.  Then I remember that I only have one reader so it’s fine. 

I read a lot of D&D blogs because I am very cool and have a rich full life.  Many of these blogs talk about problems during games and many of those problems, in my opinion, stem from people taking the game too seriously.  However I would say I prefer too serious to not serious enough.

Roleplaying is by its nature kind of silly, but unbearable silliness is a quick turn off for me in a game.  Passing no judgements of course, but I don’t like being in a game where someone says they want to play an Elvis Presley impersonator that fell through wormhole and is now in D&D and has magic blue suede shoes.  Let’s take our silliness a little seriously can we?

I like wrestling, which is very silly, and everyone knows that I like it so sometimes they try to inject it into our games when I’m a player.  They’ll introduce a magic lucha mask or a +1 Folding Chair into the game.  I hate it.  Quit getting your chocolate on your peanut butter.

I admit that sometimes I am the culprit of too much silliness.  Especially when I first started playing Shadowrun.  I’m going to blame other people for that though.  The other people in the game were all DEEPLY versed in Shadowrun lore and knew everything about everything.  I knew nothing.  So I often had no clue what was going on.  Plus they characters were often involved in super-secret shit that only they and the GM got to know about so even when I knew what was going on I didn’t know what was going on.  So my character mostly did stuff that made no sense.  But it was a cry for help.

I’ve been accused, rightfully so, of not being good at bringing along new players – but they were just as bad.  Come on guys in 1994, give me a break, tell me something about the campaign and how it works.  I play with a dude now who’s really skilled at nurturing new players, I find it fascinating and grotesque both.

One time the Coen Brothers made a movie called A Serious Man.  It’s the kind of movie where after it ends you go “whoa, I’m going to have to think about that for a while” but instead you immediately forget that you ever saw it.  The internet can probably tell me what the opening scene of that movie was about but I’ll never remember to look it up.

I take this blog way too seriously, but not too too seriously.  Such as, it annoys me that there’s a blog that has 20,000 followers that literally does nothing but post how many followers it has but I’m not going to lose sleep over it.  Not much sleep anyway. 

Stumbling on that blog was a fun reminder that if you do something genuine it’s tough to get attention because if you’re serious about something you have to be really good at it.  If you do something stupid people can get on board to matter what.

It reminds me of the early days of the internet (I’m old) when a friend I played Warhammer 40k with all the time used to often complain that there was a website that just showed live video of meat rotting.  He couldn’t understand why anyone would go to that website – that he went to all the time to see how many people went to it.  You see kids in those days websites had little counters on the bottom that showed how many people visited it.  It was a primitive time. 

I hope in the future when they talk about the internet as we use it they actually do think it was a series of tubes delivering packages.  I think historians get most things 33% right at best. 

Once I stopped playing tabletop wargames I fell out of touch with that dude because we didn’t have much else in common.  That bothers me occasionally, but such is life.  If you’re reading this dude, which seems insanely unlikely, how’s it going? 

Vagabond’s Staff

This sturdy ironwood walking stick is free of any markings or adornments. 

In the hands of a wielder with a home of any kind the Vagabond’s Staff functions as a masterwork club.  When used by someone without a fixed residence or landholdings it becomes a +3 Impact Leveraging Greatclub that grants the wielder a +1 luck bonus to skill checks and saving throws. This enhanced form can be planted into the ground and transformed into a guardian as per the Liveoak spell.  Once this ability has been used it cannot be used again until a new owner has traveled at least 100 miles with the staff in their possession.  

Wander’s Boots

These rugged and solid wyvernskin boots are unremarkable and plain despite their exotic material.  They are incredibly light and comfortable, with thin soles reinforced by strips of tough hide that provide an unexpected amount of support and protection to the foot. 

Wearing these boots grants a +4 bonus on the Constitution checks made to continue running and to avoid nonlethal damage from a forced march.  These boots also protect the wearer’s feet as if they had hardness 10. This hardness applies only against effects that directly affect the target’s feet, such as caltrops, spike growth, spike stones, or stepping into lava. 

Out of character – quick hit

Writing this bit made me think of the first season of Game of Thrones. I really liked the first season and having read the books was PUMPED for the Battle of Blackwater Bay. It was a serious disappointment. I know that it’s a TV show so they have budget limitations but still it was such a let down. Reading about the Battle of Blackwater Bay it seemed like a massive epic deal like the battle at Helm’s Deep in the Two Towers movie and then what we got was 40 guys playing grab ass. Logically I know it was actually really well done for a TV show but emotionally I can’t get over it.

Out of character – Ela by the numbers and other jibber-jabber

(Editor’s note, I say D&D when I mean pathfinder as well because I’m like that)

Back in the heyday (what does that mean?) of this blog when it was read by as many as five people one request I got a couple times is for Ela’s character sheet.  RPG people love character sheets.  I never posted it for two reasons.  One I couldn’t figure out how.  Two, I kind of prefer to leave her exact stats a mystery.  I’ve never understood why some people like having characters from books and movies they love statted out.  Tanis was much cooler before I knew he was a 7th level ranger with 12 Dexterity. 

One thing I can say is that her Bluff modifier reached silly proportions pretty quickly.  It’s currently sitting at +37 which means by the book she can convince 99.99 percent of things with brains of even the most outlandish lies.  I try to be a little reasonable with that.  And that’s not even taking into account her once a day +20 bonus on top of that. 

Most campaigns fall apart after the first 4-7 sessions.  Those that make it past that first stage and last a good while seem to generally peter out around 12-15th level.  Which is fine by me, I’m not into high level play.  It’s interesting how quickly you can just make so that there’s little to no chance of failing at any skill check you want your character to be good at.  I guess that’s good, no one likes it when their character fails all the time but it seems strange.  One of my RPG buddies that prefers to play other systems than D&D has leveled the critique that at low levels you can’t do anything and once you get past that everything is too easy.  He’s not entirely wrong.  Just mostly. 

In the last real campaign I played in (I’m currently playing in a roll20 campaign now but its gross 5th edition so it doesn’t count) I had a mythic charisma based character at high level.  Ela’s Bluff is slightly better than his was.  I’ve actually thought about having him turn up in this blog but that seemed a little too self-indulgent even for me.

A couple of people have asked how Ela manages to survive so many fights without being combat oriented.  Her Sense Motive and Perception are not as crazy as her Bluff, but they’re high, and she has Phantom Thief Social Sense +5 on top of that so she’s unlikely to be taken by surprise.  Innocent Façade, Another Day, and Like Smoke all make her pretty shifty and add to that the speed from her boots and her the effect of her ring and she’s pretty hard to catch, especially in an urban area.   

In the early days she almost died several times, but after you reach a certain level you’re kind of hard to kill outside of dirty magic spells that kill you right off the bat.  Paradoxically I think being a solo act helps survival too.  In a normal D&D party once people start dropping you’re unlikely to run – you try to heal them or at least win so you can recover their bodies or whatnot.  Leave no PC behind.  If you’re alone there’s no real not to bail if things turn ugly. 

A couple times Ela has gotten an invisibility magic item and I usually find a way to get it off her because it’s annoying.  Sometimes people say that as a DM if you can’t handle invisibility and flying that’s because you suck.  I do suck, what would be useful is some advice people who say that. 

Anyway, here’s a magic item.

Saltwheel Family Cane

A slender walking stick made of strong gleaming blackthorn wood, the handle is sunsilver in the shape of a bird of prey and wide enough for a very large hand to grip comfortably.

Despite its apparent delicateness the cane can strike as a +1 Heavy Mace.  Any aberration struck by the cane takes an additional 1d6 points of damage and becomes sickened for 1 round (no save).

While held the cane amplifies the wielders voice to carry as far as a mile away.  This effect can penetrate the area of a silence spell.  When the cane is in hand additionally the holder can cannot be detected or tracked with the scent ability or any other special senses that rely on acute smell.

The cane’s owner rolls twice to confirm critical hits against aberrations and keeps the higher roll.

Out of character interlude – pandering edition

My girlfriend admitted to me the other day that she now only reads the OOC posts I do on this blog. So I’m probably going to do more of them for reason rather than just out of laziness. I don’t blame her, it’s hard to imagine anyone reading all of this even if they did like it. The main purpose of a blog is to communicate with someone you see all the time in real life right?

I was thinking the other day that I’ve done the old “refusing the call to adventure” bit with Ela a few too many times. But then I realized, heck no, I should do it more because that’s a THEME. The normal hero cycle is that they ignore the call at first but then they do eventually hero it up – this is a SUBVERSION because Ela will never answer that call. I’m using cool writing terms and am cool.

I like that when they rebooted Spider-Man yet again they skipped over the origin story because enough with that. Everyone knows where Batman, Superman, and Spider-Man came from. We don’t need to keep doing that. BUT it is also kind of a bummer because the Uncle Ben “great responsibility” deal is one of the more effective call to adventure things. It’s a little cornball but that’s okay.

It’s like good old Captain America in the MCU, at first he’s kind of a snooze because he’s a cornball but by the time you get to Endgame that’s what you like about him. He’s all the good things about old timey heroes without all the racism and ass grabbing and racist ass grabbing.

I rewatched Endgame the other day because I wanted to see the scene where Cap does the thing he does in every move where he gets beat down but won’t give up and then all the other heroes show up to save the day. I didn’t really Endgame initially – endings are usually weak and an ending where you know what’s going to happen even moreso – but I enjoyed it more upon rewatching.

People seem to hate Hawkeye but that first scene is pretty strong. Once his family is gone Jeremy Renner does a good job of seeming completely lost and fucked up. The Ronin stuff later is lame but whatever. I had completely forgotten about the next bit with Tony and Nebula. I love the Nebula character in the MCU and that was a really great scene showing someone being nice to her for the first time ever. The warrior learning to live is also well worn territory but it was effective.

I’ve come to hate time travel except for in 12 Monkeys but with comic book movies you just have to be okay with whatever. I think Star Trek the New One is the straw that finally broke the time traveling camel’s back for me.

In the old days I used to say as a joke that 12 Monkeys is the greatest movie ever and I would kill anyone who said otherwise. But that isn’t funny anymore because that’s what people are actually like now. Back in my day if someone didn’t like something you did like you just shrugged and went to the mall to hang out and check out the ladies. Now people lose their damn minds over it. I blame Russian hackers.

Out of character interlude – oops too many berries!

Remember Captain Crunch All Berries? I do.

I did not intend another bullshit OOC post so hot on the heels of two other bullshit OOC posts, but Ela is in town which means shopping and I realized I’ve been tinkering with the available magic items for an hour so here we are. Wasn’t that a fun story?

When I’m playing D&D for real either as a DM or a player I always try to make it so we can do the shopping downtime crap away from the table and it never works. We always end up spending half a sessions while people look through books and min max their items. I hate it so much.

The last min-campaign I ran, seems like forever ago, I actually went strictly by the rules – rolling for what was available in each town and that’s all people could buy. Keeping track was moderately annoying but I think everyone actually like it better – it made finding cool loot more cool. Most of the people I play with can’t help by maximize their characters but they don’t care if they can’t for in-game reasons. They may prefer it.

Sometimes when I’m a player the DM tosses out a piece of gear that’s supposed to be specifically for my guy and I feel bad when I don’t like it. “You’re going to love this +2 brilliant energy elf curve blade!” uh, my guy prefers his +1 club, how much can I sell it for?

Anyway here’s the stuff, which I assume is even less interesting than awkward prose.

Singer’s Stole

This black and gold silk stole is narrower than is typical for a shawl and of simpler construction than a cape.  It is lightly finished.

While worn it accompanies the singer with the sounds of appropriate musical instruments, granting a +2 competence bonus on Perform (singing) checks. 

With a DC 16 Perform (singing) check the wearer can turn the power of their voice into a 15 foot cone of crystalline shards.  The shards deal 2d8 points of piercing damage (half damage with a Reflex save DC equal to the perform check) and 1D8 points of sonic damage (negate with a Fortitude save DC equal to the perform check ) to all creatures caught in the area of effect.  And creature that takes sonic damage from this effect must succeed at a DC 15 Fortitude save or be stunned for one round. 

After each successful use in a 24 hour period the DC to activate this effect increases by 4.

Ela’s Fashionable Belt

This belt’s wearer gains a +4 bonus on saves against poisons and a +2 bonus on Escape Artist checks. As well as granting the wearer a +2 enhancement bonus to Strength and Dexterity.

On command, the belt’s wearer can transform the belt into +1 Holy Undead Bane Rapier.   As long as she is holding the weapon, she can also revert it back to belt form with a command.

Ela’s Wonderful Flask

This sterling silver hallmarked rectangular hipflask is made out of heavy gauge silver sheet and is durable enough to be wielded as a gauntlet in a pinch.

The bearer gains a +1 luck bonus on Fortitude and Will saves.  On command the bearer can command the tankard to fill with wine, ale, or other alcohol.  Drinking from the flask can create each of the following effects once per day:

  • Remove fear
  • Heroism
  • Cure Moderate Wounds
  • Lesser Restoration

Out of character interlude – magic item

Two in one week? what a rip-off! I’m the worst. For a refund of your money please send me your bank routing and account number along with your SSN and mother’s maiden name. You may see a small withdrawal from your account, followed by a large withdrawal – this is part of the refund process. Do not be alarmed.

Ela’s Cerulean Sign Tattoo

The Cerulean Sign grants a +3 resistance bonus on all Will saving throws made against effects that originate from aberrations.  Grants a +3 luck bonus to Armor Class and on all saving throws against attacks from aberrations, this bonus doubles against evil aberrations.  The bearer of the Sign is immune to any attempts to possess or exercise mental control over the target.

The bearer of the Sign can banish a Great Old One (no save), but doing so causes the tattoo to utterly consume their life-force, killing them instantly.  There is a 50% chance that a wish, miracle, or true resurrection spell can restore the being that invoked this power to life. Check once for each destroyed creature. If the check fails, the creature cannot be brought back to life by mortal magic.  No other form of resurrection magic has any chance of working.